CAITLYN TELLS ALL
‘Motivated’ Jenner talks of suicide, other secrets in new book
The Secrets of My Life Caitlyn Jenner Grand Central Publishing
NEW YORK Caitlyn Jenner opened up about her frank new memoir detailing her now two-year-old transition and the bumps along the way, including three failed marriages, thoughts of suicide while she was pursued by paparazzi, and, finally, freedom to be her true self.
And, yes, contrary to the thoughts of many in the trans community, she uses her former name, Bruce, in the book, The Secrets of My Life, out this week. And, yes, she describes her below-the-belt gender reassignment surgery — “The Final Surgery” as she calls it — on the very last page, insisting it’s the last word for her about that.
And yes, she takes on her conservative political views when it comes to U.S. President Donald Trump and issues like less government, but not so on issues important to the LGBTQ community, such as same-sex marriage.
“I’ve gotten criticized because I come from a more conservative Republican side, but my loyalties are not with the Republican Party. My loyalties are not with Donald Trump. I’m not a oneissue voter. I believe in limited government. I like lower taxes. I like a thriving economy. I like everybody working, but my loyalties are with my community and to make it better,” Jenner said. “The Republican Party has very disappointed me over the years.”
Why go to any of these places to begin with, months after her coming-out interview with Diane Sawyer on ABC, watched by 17.1 million viewers, then the cover story in Vanity Fair, and finally her now-cancelled reality show where she went on the road with fellow members of the trans community.
“I needed to pour my heart out on everything,” Jenner, 67, said about the book. “What I was trying to accomplish is, one, get it all out for myself, so there was no other secrets left, but two, it was the way I dealt with my stuff.”
The book, co-written by Buzz Bissinger (he wrote the Vanity Fair story), upset Jenner’s third wife, Kris Jenner, whose closet Caitlyn raided as she stole moments to cross dress while struggling with her gender identity.
“To be honest with you, I haven’t even talked to her about it,” Jenner said of Kris’s reaction to the book.
There were many dark times for the Olympic gold-medal winning decathlete as he went about hiding his gender struggles, including a false start in transitioning in the 1980s. Jenner took hormones, then balked at that time. But her enlarged breasts didn’t disappear after the treatments stopped, requiring liposuction as she continued living as a man.
Years later, there was one moment that took Jenner to the darkest place: suicide. Celebrity news site TMZ distributed a photo of Jenner emerging from a doctor’s office after a procedure to have her trachea shaved to appear more like a woman. This was before Sawyer’s interview, and it felt like a forced outing.
“It got to the point where I thought, you know what, I know the easy way out,” Jenner said. “I got a gun in the house. … But then the next day I thought, wouldn’t that be the stupidest thing you’ve ever done, to silence your voice? You have the opportunity here to really make a difference, to live your life honestly.”
Jenner has spent much of the last two years learning from the trans community from a vantage point of white, wealthy privilege that she acknowledges in the book, and trying to make amends with her family, including six children and four Kardashian stepchildren.
Life these days is good — better than good — Jenner said, though she looks forward to the day where she isn’t thinking about her gender non-stop.
“I am extraordinarily comfortable with myself,” she said. “But I haven’t quite got there. My life is so simple now. I just get up, be myself, get ready, go out, do my thing. I’m very motivated.”