One kid, one trip, one bond
Travelling with just one of your children can be surprisingly powerful
Something wonderful happened when Lauren Asnis took her younger son, Danny, to Philadelphia for a weekend trip.
Beyond visiting the Liberty Bell and devouring some tasty cheesesteaks, mother and son really got to talk and listen to each other. They bonded over the adventure of exploring a new city together, while her husband, Jon, and older son, Zach, spent time together at the family’s New York City home.
For the first time, Danny “didn’t have to worry about being ‘the younger brother,’ ” Asnis says.
And as just two travellers instead of a group of four, they could change plans as they wished.
“We didn’t have to worry about anybody else’s timeline,” she says. “With a group of four, sometimes spontaneity can’t happen.”
Added bonus: By being apart for a few days, her boys got a chance to miss each other. So while they still plan whole-family vacations, Asnis and her husband now prioritize short trips with each of their boys throughout the year.
If you have more than one kid and haven’t done this before, give it a try: Plan a trip where one parent takes one child away for a few days, or longer if possible. Even a quick overnight close to home can be a surprisingly powerful opportunity to get to know each other in a new context, says Erin Boyd-Soisson, professor of human development and family science at Messiah College in Mechanicsburg, Penn.
“Every child needs one-on-one time with both of their parents,” she says.
STEPPING OUTSIDE THE GROUP
George Scouten takes trips with each of his three boys. With his 17-year-old, he might spend the day at a football or baseball game. With his middle son, 14, it might mean a quiet weekend at the family’s mountain cabin reading books and cooking dinner together. Whatever the activity, Scouten finds one-onone trips allow for moments of connection and deeper conversations than might happen on a whole family vacation.
Solo trips also help kids learn more about each parent. Stacey Funt, a mother of 13-year-old twins, was a frequent international traveller before she had kids. As the kids have got older, she’s begun taking them on adventurous trips that suit her style, including a trip with her daughter to Guatemala that included horseback riding.
PLANNING TOGETHER
Boyd-Soisson recommends letting children help plan their solo trip with a parent. When she travels with her daughter, she says, “having her plan it can tell me as a parent a lot about her and her likes and what her personality is developing into.”
BALANCING ACT
Siblings and parents alike might get jealous if others seem to get the more exciting trips, or have more time with each other, so try to keep things fair.
Funt took her daughter to Paris, then planned to take her son to Washington, D.C.
“After we got home and he saw the (Paris) photos, he was like, ‘D.C.? I get D.C.?’” she remembers.
Fortunately, the best trips can sometimes be the least expensive. And those hours forge a connection no full-on family vacation could have accomplished.