Overcoming a year of grievances is going to require feats of strength
This month marks the 20th anniversary of Festivus.
Festivus, as Seinfeld fans will know, was a holiday created by George Constanza’s father as a secular alternative to Christmas (and Hanukkah). In the Seinfeld TV universe, Festivus was celebrated with the raising of an aluminum pole, the eating of meat loaf and the annual Airing of Grievances, where people complained about the way their loved ones had disappointed them over the course of the year.
The holiday started as an inuniverse joke, but it snowballed, escaping the television world and entering ours. And 20 years later, people are still celebrating.
With Hanukkah over and Christmas not quite here, I thought I might honour this 20th anniversary of Festivus, and demonstrate my own love for Edmonton by airing a few of my local grievances of 2017. (Complaining this way may not be in the spirit of Christmas. But it’s very much in the spirit of Festivus.)
Police secrecy: The Edmonton Police Service instituted a new policy in 2017. They stopped automatically releasing the names of homicide victims. Their justification? An absurd misreading of Alberta’s privacy laws.
Aging hospitals: In May, the province announced plans for a shiny new hospital in south Edmonton. Which is very nice. Meantime, the Royal Alexandra and Misericordia hospitals are still in deep decline and in dire need of some kind of rescue or replacement. And don’t even get me started on the infrastructure woes of the perpetually neglected Alberta Hospital Edmonton. Charles Camsell delay: And speaking of aging hospitals, I don’t think I have it in me to write one more column about how the long, long, long delayed infill project on the Camsell Hospital site is just about to go ahead. Really. Experience Jasper Avenue: I’m all for making Jasper Avenue a more pleasant and pedestrian-friendly street. But ping-pong friendly? Not so much. It was a poorly executed and uncomfortable experiment that snarled up traffic and actually made it harder to ride a bike or catch a bus. Cancellation of The Irrelevant Show: I’ll never understand the logic of CBC brass in Toronto, who cancelled the Edmontonmade sketch comedy show — one of CBC Radio’s top-rated comedy programs, and arguably, its funniest — because they wanted something newer. Or cooler. Or maybe, just more Torontonian? Legal aid/Court delays: Our courts remained snarled and backlogged to an absurd degree. Not enough judges. Not enough court clerks. Not enough funding for legal aid. Overwhelmed Crown prosecutors. Some blame belongs with the federal government. Some with the province. But it’s long past time to fix things.
Bike lane whining: Look, I’m a cyclist. And I’m tired of all the people whining about bike lanes. That said, it was frustrating that it seemed to take the city all summer to build the lanes, and that several were only opened once it got too cold and snowy for many of us to use them. Let’s hope next summer is better.
Voter turnout: Oh Edmonton. Only 31.5 per cent of you bothered to vote in this year’s municipal election. Oy. (The other 68.5 per cent of you forfeit your right to air grievances about the city this Festivus.)
The Metro Line: Nope. Our LRT spur line to NAIT still isn’t running properly. On top of that, it’s interfering with the operation of the main Capital line. Edmonton city council has given the signalling contractor until April to find a solution. I fear it’s an empty ultimatum. The rest of us threw our hands in the air long ago. Edmonton Oilers: Oh, they raised such giddy hopes with a Stanley Cup run in the spring. But that quickly turned into a fall of discontent. Will there be a resurrection of hope as winter continues? I hope so. Otherwise, for Oilers fans, every day will be an airing of grievances.
The City Hall wading pool: Don’t even get me started.
Of course, as every Festivus celebrant knows, the annual Airing of Grievances is always followed by the traditional Feats of Strength. And that’s what we’ll need to wrestle some of these issues and pin them to the ground. Because, in the end, airing grievances, while cathartic, isn’t enough.
In Edmonton, we’re already a city of champion complainers. Not to ruin your Festivus spirit with an injection of earnestness, but what we need for 2018 is to summon the strength to solve our problems, not just gripe about them.