Working moms are real-life superheroes
These resilient women could use a helping hand from those around them
More than 750,000 Canadian children live in daycare deserts — communities with no licensed options available. Parents in those areas are either forced out of the workforce or left to scramble for child care. That’s why public congratulations for high-profile women who bring their kids to board meetings can feel so out of step with many parents’ realities. When New Zealand’s prime minister, Jacinda Ardern, strode into the United Nations assembly hall with her three-month-old daughter,
Neve, in her arms, it sent a loud message to working mothers that careers and child-rearing are not only possible, but compatible. Ardern gave birth while in office, breastfed on international state visits and brought her daughter to legislative sessions; her 2018 UN appearance was just one in a series of prosaic family moments turned into mic-dropping statements about what modern motherhood can look like.
Of course, not every mother can bring her children to work. Critics rightly pointed out that mothers doing service jobs don’t benefit from Ardern’s privilege. But the conversation Ardern ignited never extended to talk of support for more mothers to thrive as parents and at work.
Social media is full of perfect parents whose posts are meant to be celebratory. The viral photos of Ardern smiling while holding her baby in the UN hall were aspirational for many; to some, though, they seemed to gloat, “she can do it, why can’t you?” fuelling insecurity and stress in those who don’t have her means.
We should celebrate Ardern as a remarkable symbol. But when we measure everyone against her benchmark, we risk losing sight of the ways working moms need help. (And yes, despite progress, the lion’s share of child care and domestic work still falls to women — note the absence of high-profile dads with kids in tow at the office.)
Moms shouldn’t have to be superheroes. In fact, the pressure to be Oprah at the office and June Cleaver at home can wreak havoc on their well-being. A University of Washington study of 1,600 working and stay-at-home moms found those who believed they could “have it all,” were at higher risk of depression.
There is an alternative to this unrealistic vision — one in which parents can be present and loving in the home and productive and fulfilled at work. Replacing daycare deserts with accessible and affordable options would not only help mothers reintegrate in the workforce, it would go a long way to alleviating the stress and pressure that can accompany the loss of self in motherhood. As it stands, Canadian families spend 22.2 per cent of their income on child care every year, more than almost any wealthy nation. And while British Columbia is introducing thousands of new $10-a-day child-care spaces, prices are still trending the wrong way nationally.
This reality forces moms to be superheroes. If we want to advance equality in the workforce and at home, things have to change.
To all the supermoms out there, my wife included, I salute you. But if these memes make you feel stressed, you’re not alone. And we, as a country, can do better.