TRY AGAIN? Four ques­tions to ask be­fore restart­ing an on-off re­la­tion­ship.

Elle (Canada) - - Relationship -

Are you go­ing back to a re­la­tion­ship for the right rea­sons? “If the re­la­tion­ship broke up be­cause of cir­cum­stances or ma­tu­rity is­sues, and not in­ex­cus­able be­hav­iour, then it might be worth an­other try,” says Robi Ludwig, a New York-based psy­chother­a­pist and man­ag­ing edi­tor for Ex­a­holics.com. “Don’t go back be­cause you’re afraid to be alone or you’re hop­ing to change some­one.” Is the tim­ing right? “Some­times peo­ple just aren’t ready un­til they’re ready,” says Ludwig. “But if you re­ally care and the re­la­tion­ship has some re­ally good qual­i­ties, peo­ple some­times need to go back af­ter a time­out and fig­ure out whether this per­son is re­ally right.” Does this re­la­tion­ship have the right qual­i­ties? “Think about what you want in a re­la­tion­ship,” says Ludwig. “Look at re­la­tion­ships you ad­mire, in­clud­ing how those part­ners treat each other and sup­port each other. Write down those qual­i­ties so they are clear. If you’re wor­ried or con­fused, get some feed­back from fam­ily and friends who re­ally care about you.” Are there any deal break­ers? “Think about what you don’t want and fig­ure out your bot­tom-line deal break­ers,” says Ludwig. “If any of those ex­ist in the re­la­tion­ship, it’s not worth try­ing again.”

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