TRY AGAIN? Four questions to ask before restarting an on-off relationship.
Are you going back to a relationship for the right reasons? “If the relationship broke up because of circumstances or maturity issues, and not inexcusable behaviour, then it might be worth another try,” says Robi Ludwig, a New York-based psychotherapist and managing editor for Exaholics.com. “Don’t go back because you’re afraid to be alone or you’re hoping to change someone.” Is the timing right? “Sometimes people just aren’t ready until they’re ready,” says Ludwig. “But if you really care and the relationship has some really good qualities, people sometimes need to go back after a timeout and figure out whether this person is really right.” Does this relationship have the right qualities? “Think about what you want in a relationship,” says Ludwig. “Look at relationships you admire, including how those partners treat each other and support each other. Write down those qualities so they are clear. If you’re worried or confused, get some feedback from family and friends who really care about you.” Are there any deal breakers? “Think about what you don’t want and figure out your bottom-line deal breakers,” says Ludwig. “If any of those exist in the relationship, it’s not worth trying again.”