Anatomy of a Cana­dian Sum­mer Day

Elle (Canada) - - Radar -

7 a. m. Wake up too early by ac­ci­dent. (Birds.) 7: 15– 10: 15 a. m. Fight to go back to sleep, pe­ri­od­i­cally re­search­ing meth­ods of bird geno­cide.

10: 30 a. m. Give up and get out of bed, but book­mark a few bou­tique poi­son shops on Etsy.

11 a. m. Big old break­fast: waf­fles, fruit, eggs and ba­con. These are photos you look at on In­sta­gram while shov­el­ling peanut but­ter into your mouth.

12 p. m. Stack rocks on other rocks for a re­ally long time. Tell ev­ery­one you are “build­ing an inuk­shuk.” Fail to do so. Throw rocks into the wa­ter, telling ev­ery­one you are “skip­ping rocks.” Fail harder.

1: 30 p. m. Dock nap.

2: 30 p. m. Awaken with a con­fus­ing new tan line.

3:30 p.m. Bar­be­cue. Ev­ery­one talks about how gross hot dogs are and eat sev­eral each.

4 p.m. Fight the urge to wear a T-shirt over your bathing suit as you re­mem­ber many em­bar­rass­ing years at camp.

5:05 p.m. Wear a T-shirt over your bathing suit.

6 p.m. Plan to go ca­noe­ing.

6:05 p.m. Plan im­me­di­ately back­fires and in­volves so much un­ty­ing knots, as­sem­bling life jack­ets, heavy lift­ing and get­ting the tops of your shoes wet. Also: mosquitoes.

7:30 p.m. Sweaty pad­dle around the lake. (MOSQUITOES.)

8 p.m. There are fire­works some­where, and you don’t know why but you’re def­i­nitely go­ing to go. 8:30–11:30 p.m. Marsh­mal­lows + fire + beer. Re­peat as needed. n

Newspapers in English

Newspapers from Canada

© PressReader. All rights reserved.