DIG­I­TAL DECO­RUM

Mon­ica Heisey on her #LOL tex­ting eti­quette.

Elle (Canada) - - Humour -

24 AC­CEPT­ABLE REA­SONS FOR ME NOT TO TEXT YOU BACK

1. I was watch­ing a very im­por­tant doc­u­men­tary about hu­man rights and the en­vi­ron­ment.

2. I was watch­ing the same Tay­lor Swift video for the 40th time to­day.

3. I am try­ing to play it cool; I al­ready texted you once to­day.

4. I’m still look­ing for the right emoji.

5. I “just saw this.”

6. I “just saw this” for real. 7. I am very, very deep into a game of Scrabble with my grandma via app. 8. I’m in the weird cor­ner of my apart­ment where there’s no ser­vice.

9. I’m not re­ally Laugh­ing Out Loud, and I re­spect you too much to lie to you. Your joke was fine but not great, you know?

10. I mis­read your last mes­sage and pre­sumed you didn’t want me to.

11. I mis­read your last mes­sage, pre­sumed you didn’t want me to and then spent any­where from one to eight hours draft­ing and delet­ing long apolo­gies in var­i­ous tones and with var­i­ous lev­els of des­per­a­tion.

12. I have had three or more drinks, so my phone took away my tex­ting priv­i­leges. (It’s for my own good.)

13. I’m sex­ting ag­gres­sively with some­one, and I’m wor­ried that adding a sep­a­rate con­ver­sa­tion will throw me off my game and lead to my ac­ci­den­tally send­ing you a pic­ture of my boobs.

14. I’m in a Selfie Zone and can’t break my stride; things are look­ing real good over here.

15. I’m try­ing to look cool and smart on the train, and ev­ery­one knows that smart peo­ple don’t check or even have phones. 16. Sleep­ing.

17. My mom is talk­ing to me, and she thinks that phones as a con­cept are “rude.” 18. Too busy think­ing about food.

19. Wasn’t feel­ing it.

20. I tried to choose be­tween “ha,” “hehe” and “ha­haha” for, like, 12 min­utes and then gave up. 21. My phone is al­most dead, and I’m kind of hop­ing that that guy will get in touch so I need to con­serve my bat­tery in case I deign to re­spond.

22. My phone is dead.

23. I just re­ally can’t han­dle this right now, AN­GELA!!!!

24. My pe­ti­tion to have a mac ’n’ cheese emoji cre­ated has been unan­swered, and I’m on a text strike un­til jus­tice is served.

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