SO YOU DON’T WANT TO TALK?

Here’s how to calm those phone-call nerves.

It’s worth figuring out why you hate the phone so much. Start by asking yourself some questions, says author Camille Virginia.

IS IT ANY CONTACT WITH A POTENTIAL MATE THAT ISN’T DONE FROM BEHIND A SCREEN THAT GIVES ME ANXIETY? “If so, then it’s not the phone you hate—it’s something deeper, like a fear of rejection or even social anxiety,” says Virginia. “In that case, talking on the phone may actually be the perfect next step for you because you can start to practise your connection skills minus the handicap of a screen but without yet being face to face with someone. It allows you to not only screen this person but also get comfortable with them by connecting more personally so the next step of meeting face to face will feel more relaxed and fun.”

WHAT IF I HAVE ALWAYS HATED THE PHONE BUT AM COMFORTABLE WITH (OR EVEN PREFER!) IN-PERSON INTERACTIONS? “Then I suggest setting up a video call, like Face Time or even a Zoom video conference call, between you and your match to mimic the in-person experience without committing to a full evening or afternoon with each other in the real world just yet,” says Virginia. “That way you can see what they look like, read into their body language and get some of your preferred in-person connection benefits.”

In either case, Virginia recommends warming up your social skills (and vocal cords) before any jitter-inducing phone conversations. “That could be as simple as calling or meeting up with a friend right before your call with your online match,” she says. “Then, while you’re on the call with your potential date, try standing up and even walking around. This gives your nerves a natural outlet so they don’t build up inside you or, even worse, come out through your voice.” She also recommends smiling, especially when you first start chatting: People can hear it in your voice, and it will put both of you more at ease.