DEAREST GRADUATES OF THE CLASS OF 2020
CONGRATULATIONS! You have graduated from school, and now the world is your oyster. Live every day as if it’s your last. And remember: When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. While you’re making lemonade, please also take a few minutes to solve all the social ills and inequalities created by previous generations, and make sure you do us all proud ....
We, your parents and grandparents, screwed it up for you. But now we’re counting on you, so don’t mess it up! I’m sure you’ve heard many of these clichés before—perhaps more often over the past few months. But that’s not why I’m here today. I’m not here to suggest that I have all the answers or that my “pearls of wisdom” will guarantee you a lifetime of success. I’m not here to gloss over the immense uncertainty and anxiety you might be experiencing right now or to place the weight of the world on your shoulders. What I am here to do is embrace the uncertainty with you, help you process and grow through it and let you know that you’re not alone. This is the anti-graduation graduation speech.
I think we can agree that we’re facing a lot of unknowns now. But this isn’t the first time we’ve faced uncertainty; nor will it be the last. Uncertainty is a part of life. The good thing is it’s something we can learn to cope with and grow through. And so I’d like to tell you a bit about my own experiences with uncertainty.
School: For some of you, it was a time of great happiness, popularity and growth and a total haven from the big wide world; for others, it may have been much more challenging. For me, school was a roller coaster. On the one hand, I was fortunate to have a supportive family and a close circle of friends. I had copious amounts of fun and was blessed to find a passion for theatre, something that still gives me great joy to this day. On the other hand, I was extremely shy and insecure about almost everything. I’d watch from the sidelines as certain friends flourished in social situations, all carefree and glowing, while I quietly hid my insecurities and internalized my shame.
I, like many others before me (and there will be many others after me), never felt as if I fit in. I wasn’t white enough; nor was I Black enough. Boys weren’t into my braids, so I conformed, painfully relaxing my hair, which didn’t win them over either. According to school standards, I wasn’t academically strong—an added pressure that was only made worse by my dyslexia and the multitude of exams I failed. I wanted so much to conform, to be like everyone else—something that today would be a massive detriment to my career but at the time was my deepest fantasy. I had many questions but felt like there was so much taboo around talking about certain issues, especially as a young mixed-race girl. In a lot of ways, it rendered my experience at school—a boarding school, for that matter—extremely lonely. My self-doubt and insecurities were paralyzing and prevented me from trying new things. The masks I wore for different people left me continuously exhausted. I had no idea who I was or what I wanted to do, and then it was all over. As I prepared to graduate, I remember thinking “What next?”
I left school with a lot of baggage, but I was determined to put it all behind me and use university as a chance for a new beginning. When I started receiving more attention and external validation, I hoped these superficial markers could carry me through. “If I can just put on a facade and keep the messy feelings inside, they’ll magically disappear,” I thought. Instead, they followed me into adulthood, compounding over time and pushing me to a breaking point. What brought me to the other side was learning that I wasn’t alone. Once I was able to connect with others over shared experiences and voice what was bothering me without judgment or shame, everything changed.