Faith Today

Surviving the Sixties Scoop

My personal story

- BY PARRY STELTER

I’m originally from Alexander First Nation. I was a foster child during what is called the Sixties Scoop generation of Indigenous people in Canada. I was brought up with the

Stelter family in a caring, nonIndigen­ous home in Edmonton. I always knew I was a foster child, but I never met my biological family until I was 18.

When I met them it was an exciting time, but I also went through a huge identity crisis. There were many strange cultural difference­s. I became estranged from my foster family. I was going through a rebellious stage and so meeting this new family was an excellent choice as opposed to being homeless. Which was probably where I was headed because of my unstable lifestyle and lack of direction.

It took a few years of estrangeme­nt before I reconnecte­d with my foster family, and even more years after that until I realized how hurt they were at my disappeari­ng and how worried they were of my condition.

After becoming a high school dropout and binge alcoholic, I went to a treatment centre and tried to sober up. Although the attempted sobriety at the treatment centre didn’t last long, I still decided to go back to school and finish my Grade 12. This led to a road of lifelong learning. To make the story short, over the course of 30 years I ended up obtaining several years of postsecond­ary education and now am a doctoral candidate. The research I am completing is also linked with understand­ing my own people more in relation to the effects of the trauma they have endured.

Altogether I ended up going to about six treatment centres trying to turn my life around, but along the way I did end up in trouble with the law. I never ended up in prison, but I still got in enough trouble to get a criminal record. This was a humiliatin­g process because in my early years in getting postsecond­ary education, I wanted to work in prisons as a caseworker and work my way up to upper management. Yet, now I am on the verge of getting a pardon from the federal government. I did this so certain job opportunit­ies could open for me again.

Another humiliatin­g experience is when I lost my own children to child welfare. I didn’t sober up until my children were taken from me, and although I sobered up shortly after losing them, it took years to get them back. Eventually I got all my children back. Learning to be an active father again was a challenge.

Now that I have been sober for 19 years, I am coming full circle by taking care of other extended family members. My sister-in-law passed away a few years ago and when that happened I took in my niece, who was 14 at the time, to live with us full-time. She is now part of our family at home.

After going through all that postsecond­ary education and turning my life around, I now work with my own Indigenous and non-Indigenous people toward healing and reconcilia­tion, and reaching our full potential. Much of my work is in the Christian community, but I also work for the general community. I started a ministry called Word of Hope Ministries. I often end up working with non-Indigenous people because I try to help them understand my people more.

One of the workshops I lead is called Understand­ing Indigenous People More, which focuses on the behind the scenes challenges Indigenous people have faced throughout the history of Canada, and still face. Many Indigenous people are still incredibly angry and upset over many relevant issues, but at the same time many nonIndigen­ous people wonder why Indigenous people are still talking about residentia­l schools and other atrocities. This informatio­n workshop creates a better understand­ing of these issues.

Another workshop is Understand­ing and Dealing With Grief, Loss and Intergener­ational Trauma. Many Indigenous people don’t understand their own sense of grief, loss and trauma, and many non-Indigenous people don’t realize how deep these scars go throughout the generation­s. From the great-grandparen­ts to the grandparen­ts, to the parents, to the children, to the grandchild­ren and the greatgrand­children.

Eight generation­s went through residentia­l schools, and so it will take some time to heal and understand this grief. This workshop helps Indigenous people understand this entire process and that it is in fact happening with them whether they realize it or not. Not understand­ing creates a vicious cycle of self-abuse, and other forms of abuse toward family members and society.

Many Indigenous people experience an identity crisis, and many fostered and adopted Indigenous children will reach out to their biological families when they are of age or sooner. This should not surprise anyone because no matter how they were treated in their biological families, they will always feel a connection to them.

All a foster family can do is live by example and be as supportive as they can, knowing that if a child comes into their life for a short time, the foster family can still make a difference during a troubling time.

I felt close to my biological family when I first met them, but as time went by I realized there were so many difference­s, because of the separation, and to this day it’s hard for me to feel really connected with them. I seemed to go through phases of how connected I felt.

Through it all my roots with the Stelters, who took me in and made me one of their own, also remain to this day. Although my foster dad and mom and one of my brothers have passed away, I am still in regular contact with my other sister and brother in the Stelter family who are older than me.

I have a website with more resources that explain some of these topics. I have also written two books related to Indigenous spirituali­ty and Christiani­ty. I hope to make my dissertati­on into a third book.

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 ??  ?? Leigh-Anne and Ashley with Parry’s wife Angeline Stelter.
Leigh-Anne and Ashley with Parry’s wife Angeline Stelter.

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