Know when to recognize the relationship red flags

My live-in girlfriend of four years is 24, and I’m 34. I’ve only ever met one of her friends. She stays over at various friends’ houses at least one night a week, but always has an excuse as to why I can’t meet them.

A year ago, I discovered that she was cheating on me with another guy. She’d left her Facebook chat open.

Since then, we’ve been to counselling and I’ve forgiven her (I think). Sometimes I wonder if she’s really at one of her girlfriend’s houses or if she’s being unfaithful again. Monday is the only week-time evening that we spend together as I’m busy with my daughter (from a previous relationship) most weeknights.

My girlfriend usually stays at a friend’s house Friday or Saturday night, leaving only one weekend day for being together. How do I get her to include me in her social circles?†

– Isolated Boyfriend

Your socializing’s being blocked by big red flags. Since your daughter needs time with you and you’ve chosen weeknights, why would your live-in girlfriend regularly sleep out on a weekend night? Even if your daughter’s around, can’t your girlfriend take part in your life as a parent?

Or, is she uninterested, or are you excluding her?

There’s a glaring emptiness in this relationship. Whether your girlfriend’s cheating again or just distant is uncertain.

Counselling hasn’t resolved your doubts about her. It’s time to ask her the direct question: Is she in or out?

If either of you is unsure, take a break to re-think the whole arrangement.

FEEDBACK

Regarding a mother of teenage twins - one with mental health issues (May 6): Reader: “It’s very important for her to care for and support her child during a very difficult time.

“But she’ll be better able to do so if she seeks support for herself - for her own recent bereavement and the emotional difficulty she’s having with her daughter.

“Bereaved Families (Ellie: branches across Canada, similar groups in the US) would be a start.” Reader #2 “‘ve been a twin for 56 years.

“I agree with getting help re: the one girl’s cutting herself and possible depression. I’m guessing that the angry twin is the second-born and there are other issues. “Comparison of twins by others is bad enough, comparison between them is crippling. My twin has a better job, financial independence in retirement, and no kids.

“I have three adult children and grandchildren. And so it continues. Twins are a difficult relationship.”

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