If counselling doesn’t help trust issues, it’s time to move on
I’ve been in a four-year relationship. I’m 37, she’s 30, both never married and no kids.
Two years ago, I ended it for two-and-a half months because I didn’t like how the relationship was going.
My girlfriend was incredibly saddened. She sent me numerous messages, cards, gifts, expressing how she wanted me back and I was the only one for her. Unbeknownst to me, she was on an online dating site seeking other men during the entire break up. Despite my anger, we did reconcile and I told her I’d found out what she was doing. She apologized, saying she really wanted me; she was on the sites in case we didn’t get back together.
Our relationship has since progressed well. We’ve been making plans to move in together in September and start to plan a family. During the last couple of months, she’s been acting somewhat unusual; when I mentioned this, she’d reassure me that she loves me, wants to get married, and start a family.
Recently, I discovered she’s on three different dating sites. She denied it, and then admitted to it, saying she was bored and it didn’t mean anything. She also said she was worried if it didn’t work out with us she could have another option. She said she never cheated or went on any dates, and doesn’t want this relationship to end.
I’ve always had a trust issue in my gut about her. Should I move on?
– Strike Two
She likes to have a backup plan. The first time, it was understandable since you were apart.
This second time, it’s as if she has her purse ready at the door to leave.
She’s either very insecure about a full commitment to a future together, or not really ready for moving together and starting a family.
Your gut instinct is fairly accurate. Delay the move. If you still feel love for her, get counselling together.
In front of the professional, ask her why she’d be “bored” and looking for other choices just weeks before moving together. Trust is essential at this point. If the counselling experience doesn’t help you feel it, move on.