Constant paranoia does not serve a relationship
My girlfriend of five months still talks to her ex-boyfriend every day. She had sex with him early in our dating period.
I wrote to you about this before. But new facts keep popping up: I’ve seen a message on her social media saying that he misses her. She hasn’t seen him for a couple of months but wants to get together on his upcoming birthday.
I’m getting anxiety attacks just thinking about it.
I’m 31, I love her, and want her as my lifelong companion, but I’m going through pain, heartbreak, and mental breakdown.
– Three’s a Crowd
Get a grip. She’s still your girlfriend. She doesn’t see him regularly, but keeps contact because they both want to remain close friends.
That’s not unusual in what’s still a developing relationship. Unfortunately, your fears and anxiety may soon push her away.
Instead of constantly showing your insecurity about this guy, consider going with her to see him on his birthday. And wishing him well.
But first, reassure her that you recognize that you’ve been overreacting.
Now, show your trust, she did stop seeing him, by saying you want to put your anxiety behind you.
Without confidence in yourself and in her having been faithful since you two became a couple, your jealousy will only grow and even extend to other males she knows, works with, etc.
Few partners can put up for long with constant controls, snooping, and accusations.
I’ve been working with a physical therapist for over a year.
She has a boyfriend and I have a girlfriend of several years, but I’m falling in love with the physical therapist. We’re trying to ignore our feelings for each other and pretend nothing’s there, but there is something.
Also, my girlfriend really is into girls. Whenever we have sex, she tells me she’d like me better if I were a female.
I’ll play that role because I only have sex with her once a month at most.
I’m late-30’s, she’s early-30’s. Maybe I’m with her because I hated being single for so long, meeting skanky chicks at clubs and bars, having one-night stands or a week’s fling, and it’s over.
What do I do about my physiotherapist?
Do her a favour and find another physiotherapist. Nothing good can come from your speaking up about falling in love with her.
Here are the reasons: Her professional physiotherapists’ association, company, or union rules likely state that she risks her job by dating a client. Also, your attitude toward your girlfriend shows your own limited approach to relationships - no real feelings of caring, interest, or companionship.
You’ve obviously put no effort into this relationship or any other. Meanwhile, the physiotherapist crush is more likely a case of transference. She helps you feel better physically and that makes you think she has feelings for you.
From everything you wrote here (and grosser facts which I left out), it’s apparent that you generally don’t respect women.
That’s why the therapist’s concern for you feels so special.
The fact that you’re attracted
Tonight: Let your imagination call the shots.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20)
You hear a lot of news, but it appears that others might not be in the mood to hear your news. Know that you can do anything you want with your determination. Make time for a loved one. You are likely to hear some shocking news. Tonight: Think carefully before you react.
GEMINI (May 21-June 20)
You might add to others’ tension levels. An unexpected development surrounding a friend could have interesting results. You might not be comfortable with what you are hearing, especially as it is likely to affect you. Tonight: Be your sweet self, and you will like what happens.
CANCER (June 21-July 22)
You’ll wonder what could make this day more relaxing. Consider canceling plans. New beginnings become possible, but only when you are up to snuff and relaxed. Someone finds you unusually kind and caring. Don’t be surprised by a loved one’s reaction. Tonight: Think ahead.
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22)
– Unsure Rethink a decision more carefully. Others seek you out for advice. A friend or loved one might be unusually frustrated and/or angry. This person could be wondering how to succeed in not losing his or her cool. Unexpected news heads your way. Tonight: Time for some R and R.
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)
Consider your options more carefully. A certain amount of uproar becomes possible around your joint finances with a loved one. Find a way of making peace between the two of you by solving the issue at hand. Tonight: You could be surprised once by someone close to you.
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)
Keep conversations moving. Stay open to an unexpected development from a loved one. This person to her is your saving grace, a sign that there may be hope that you can find another approach to relationships, other than only using women for sex and then disparaging them.
Tell your current girlfriend she’s free to be true to her sexual identity, preferring females. Free yourself, too, of your past lowlife behaviour.
A lasting love relationship relies not just on attraction and sex, but also on mutual respect.
FEEDBACK
In responses to grandparents’ denied access to grandchildren (Nov. 14):
Reader #1: “We’ve been denied visiting our only son, his wife and grandchildren, ages two and three.
“We understand and believe that our son’s trying to create a friction-free life for the children.
“We never see them at birthdays, Christmas, etc. “Texts and emails are unanswered, our invitations unaccepted.
“We’ve offered to babysit but are cut off and ignored. Jealousy and personality disorder, we think, are a factor.
“It’s taken a great toll on us in our mid-70’s.”
Reader #2: “Why do these grandparents need technology to stay in touch?
“They obviously live close enough for free babysitting! She and her husband are not a hotel, a nanny service, nor what I suspect, the bank.
“She should value herself more highly and not be available the next time babysitting’s required.
“Far too many seniors are being manipulated by their children into relationships which are one-sided.”
TIP OF THE DAY
Constant anxiety, snooping, and issuing controls do not make for a lasting relationship. will have your day bubbling with fun. Curb your spending with your last-minute holiday errands. Great gifts don’t need to cost much. Tonight: Hang out with a friend or two.
SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)
You might be overly concerned about finishing your Christmas shopping. Get off your duff and complete any holiday chores today. Understand that you will be exhausted when you’re done, but you will feel much better as well. Tonight: Treat yourself to a favorite dessert.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)
You are at your best, and you feel as if you can finally be responsive and caring with others. It is as if you have freed yourself from a black cloud that has been lingering over you as of late. Go over your gift list to make sure you have not forgotten anyone. Tonight: All smiles.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)
You might want to keep the curtains pulled and get more sleep. You have pushed yourself very hard over the past few weeks, and you deserve a timeout. Whom you decide to share this day with is your call. Do something just for you. Tonight: Screen your calls.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)
Focus on bringing loved ones together. You might not be comfortable with what someone says; consider putting some distance between you. A friend proves his or her loyalty by supporting you in your decisions and actions. Tonight: Show your appreciation.
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20)
You’ll bring others together in the morning. Make sure that a child or loved one is included in your plans; otherwise, he or she could make you miserable for a sustained period of time. Your caring flows from one person to the next. Tonight: Go for what you want.
Pope Francis (1936), actor Bill Pullman (1953), actress Sarah Paulson (1974)
BORN TODAY: