You can still have a say
I’m 87, with a sad ending to life. My daughter and three grandchildren have been shielded from my existence since my divorce.
Unfortunately, some ex- partners cannot accept logical reasons for divorce and isolate their grandchildren from their former partner.
For eight years, my two granddaughters and a grandson† never received the birthday or Christmas presents and cards I continually sent.
Nineteen years later, my daughter still refuses to tell me how they’re doing or which universities they attend.
Surely grandchildren have a right to meet their grandfather or at least know something positive about me. Surely at some age grandchildren have rights of their own.
After the divorce, my ex lived with my daughter.
She could babysit the children and keep them from me.
My daughter went along with this. Unfortunately, I lived quite a way to travel to see them but never forgot their birthdays and Christmas.†
I’ve now been happily married for 17 years. None of my relatives were ever allowed to see the grandchildren.
In my few remaining years, I’d love to have at least email contact with them† if not see them in person.
Any suggestions towards changing this sad saga?
Write your daughter without including any verbal attack or blame.
Acknowledge to her that your divorce was obviously very painful for her, and say you regret that.
Tell her how much you’d like to see, or have contact with, your grandchildren, even hear about them.
Tell her that you’ve written a memoir about yourself ( and DO so), including your family’s history, your young life, studies, work, etc., how much you loved their mother, plus your activities, interests, and hobbies.
Leave a copy of that memoir with your will, and leave the grandchildren an amount you choose. Instruct your executors to make sure they receive the document and legacy gifts.
It’s not the contact you’re seeking, of which there’s no guarantee. But at least it’s the knowledge you wanted to share, and that your grandchildren may appreciate finally knowing.