People handle family rifts differently
My brother-in-law’s chosen to not attend his father’s funeral.
They’ve been estranged for eight years. He’d turned away from his whole family. My nephew wants to attend the funeral, despite knowing the disrespectful way his grandfather treated his father. The man wasn’t religious, had few family and friends left.
Yet my brother-in-law’s siblings have planned an elaborate funeral.
I agree, out of respect for my sister and her husband, that her son should stay away from it. But I wonder if he needs to go for his own closure, even though he hasn’t seen his grandfather for years.
I wonder what relatives should do in such a situation.
– Uncertain
The question of missing a relative’s funeral isn’t uncommon.
Families have rifts, years go by, and the people closely involved stay distant, holding tightly to their hurt.
But other adults, including children of the affected relative, have the right to their own decision.
Their sense of “closure” isn’t necessarily to the deceased, but rather to the disruptive family history.
Your nephew may be the wisest relative.
He’s showing that family members can still get together on significant occasions, and acknowledge their connection despite past rifts.
FEEDBACK
Regarding the woman worrying about her new boyfriend’s constant checking up on her (Dec. 22):
Reader: “It’s only ‘common courtesy’ to let your loved one know if you’re going to be late coming home or have other plans.
“Why would that be considered a dangerous situation if she isn’t home for hours, and he has no idea where she is? “Why can’t she just text him saying she’s going to be late because of work or some shopping to do?
“Does she enjoy making him worry? Why hasn’t he met her friends?? He lives with her.”
I’d agree with your skepticism if she hadn’t just met him only one month ago.
He’s only “lived with her” for some three-to four weeks at most.
Also, they’re 40 and 42, presumably mature adults, and she’s questioning his behaviour. I had to assume she was truly worried, especially when her best friend considered these “red flags.”