Keep eyes open for red flags

I’m an older man with a grown daughter who was not a very big part of my life (due to her mother’s infidelity and refusal to allow visitation, after multiple court battles and one contempt charge).

I’ve met someone and we are planning to get married.

But recently my fiancée informed me that she did not want my grown daughter to be at the wedding (nor any of my friends, either).

My fiancée has been most insistent that I try to have a relationship with my daughter, but that the relationship would not include her (i.e. the fiancée). I have been maintaining contact with my daughter but we are several hundred miles apart, so it is not a “drop-in” type of relationship.

I am hurt and upset but don’t know what to do other than to acquiesce since it really is the “bride’s day.”

– Groom’s Dilemma

It may be “the bride’s day”

but it is the groom’s life yours - that she’s trying to control.

This is a red flag. Without your describing any more explanatory reasons for her demand that neither your daughter NOR your friends attend, leaves the impression that your fiancée doesn’t want any attention on who you are and whom you have been.

Worse, she has no interest in meeting or getting to know your only daughter, as if that occasional contact would also take attention away from total focus on your marital relationship. I urge you to think through carefully what marriage to this woman would mean for you.

So far, I see too many restrictions being imposed on you, plus every decision hers, with you as an accessory to her life. Postpone the wedding and consider going to couples’ counselling with her (if she’ll go). It may provide a better chance at hearing any logical reasons behind her arbitrary (and mean) commands.

TIP OF THE DAY

Beware “Bride’s Day” controls that set the pattern throughout the marriage.

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