Moving in together has requirements

I’m 37, my boyfriend’s 47. We’re in love, together for a year, and want to live together.

I rent a small city-based apartment. He owns a suburban house. He’s generous, supportive, financially secure (and doesn’t mind that he earns three times my salary).

He was in a ten-year common-law relationship before me. When he ended it, he gave her, among other things, half the value of the house and she moved out.

I don’t want to live there. I don’t drive. The commute would be a nightmare.

Also, I don’t want to live in the home he shared with his ex.

I’d like him to sell and we live together somewhere else. What do I do?

– House with History

So long as you’re respectful of his feelings about the house, too, starting fresh together elsewhere shouldn’t be an impossible discussion.

Remember that he’s limited to moving to somewhere where he can afford to pay the major share.

That may affect his feelings about location, generally, the suburbs are cheaper than the city.

So say what matters most: You want your own place together reflecting your new love, and your joined lifestyle.

Then state practical considerations, e.g. a long commute would affect your time together. Also, between the two of you, renting a larger city apartment is affordable, or maybe he can buy one and your contribution helps toward the mortgage.

FEEDBACK

Regarding the writer who resented tipping expectations for some beauty salon treatments which don’t take very long (Jan 20): Reader: “Your response is spot on. (Ellie: I pointed out that she’s dismissed the fact that the laser treatments mentioned required skill and training, and sometimes even buying their own equipment).

“I’d also like to add two comments:

“The automated payment machines that I’ve seen, have a choice for either tipping an amount or percentage. “Since I never know how the percentage value is calculated (whether before or after taxes), I always do my own calculations and tip an amount. “Also, I think my mother has the best philosophy for tipping, as it’s not known to whom or how exactly the automated tips are distributed.

“She never leaves an automated tip and always tips the individuals serving her personally, in cash.”

Ellie: A thoughtful way that tips truly show appreciation.