Use sensitivity when recommending changes in appearance

I began dating a friend of mine after knowing him for several years. The relationship is wonderful.

He’s caring and attentive, and my champion. He’s the person with whom I want to spend my life.

However, I find it hard not to notice that his teeth are very discoloured and need some serious dentistry to fix multiple chips and other issues.

It’s very noticeable in his smile, distracting when speaking to him, and something that I’m a bit embarrassed by.

I have the funds to be able to pay for him to fix his smile. But I don’t know if I should, or how to even approach the subject with him.

– Where to Begin?

Begin with the sensitivity that you already recognize is needed.

That means NOT mentioning that you’re embarrassed by his appearance, which is what a “smile” first shows.

You’d make him far too uncomfortable and likely hurt too.

It also means not offering to pay to “fix” him. That’s how he might feel about your doing so, even though it’s only about dental work and generous.

No, the best approach is to somehow raise the topic of teeth one day, perhaps as a healthy topic, or an anecdote from your youth, not about him, specifically. If he shows interest in hoping to have dental work done someday, that’s when you can offer to loan him the money now, since cared-for teeth are important to overall health.

FEEDBACK

About the husband with phobias including going to hospitals and doctors (Feb. 15 and Jan. 22):

Reader: “It might be helpful to know that counselling is also available entirely by phone from therapists focused on this method of connecting.

“There’s a cost but it avoids many pitfalls that make going to a counsellor, distance, means of transportation, and phobias, seem impossible for so many. “Otherwise, how does someone get effective counselling if it’s almost impossible psychologically for that person to leave the house?

“The phone-in system can help deal with issues and maybe get someone to the point where they can get out and about.

“Then they can hopefully access other avenues of support.”

Ellie: An excellent reminder of phone and online counselling services, especially where there are multiple phobias.

In case mentioned, these also included going for a walk, new locations, open spaces, heights, flying, and feeling trapped in crowds.