Constant teasing not always funny

My husband believes that teasing is very funny, especially, when I’m the recipient of his tease.

He’ll react to something I’ve said or how I look, with mock sympathy. Then he’ll do a “comic” riff on it - “Are you sweating going upstairs because you’ve gained ten pounds, or is this the furnace’s fault?”

He’ll hang close hoping for a reaction, thoroughly enjoying if I start to get upset. Mostly, I just walk away. But he’s even more persistent at teasing me when we’re with friends. He’ll tell stories which he calls “her latest mess-up.” It can be anything from a small computer error - pressing Send before I finished the document and having to resend it, to a new recipe I tried that wasn’t great. Otherwise, he’s a very good husband. We love each other, have good kids, and enjoy similar activities.

It’s ONLY the teasing that I hate.

He doesn’t get it how much he suddenly makes me feel hurt, embarrassed, and disrespected.

– Am I Overreacting?

No, you’re not overreacting, and Yes, he does get it that you hate being teased. That’s why he does it.

It’s his passive-aggressive “control” mode. Especially when he teases you in public. Until you confront him about why he does it, he’ll continue. Meanwhile, the good feelings you have for him “otherwise,” may erode.

I cannot guess at what’s driving him to make “joking” putdowns, but you can.

Is there a power imbalance elsewhere, e.g. in child rearing, or in finances, in educational background or that of your families? Or, how you were each raised?

When you think you have a plausible reason, talk to him about it.

Be clear that while he gets a few laughs for himself or from friends (some friends!), you feel demeaned and hurt by the man who supposedly loves you. Then suggest that you both attend counselling to deal with the teasing and its cause.

TIP OF THE DAY

Constant teasing isn’t funny to its target, and says more about the teaser that’s also no joke.