‘Friends with benefits’ often never last as such

I’ve been sleeping with a man for a year.

He’s become a great, helpful friend who talks to me about everything, found me a car, and genuinely seems to want the best for me.

He’s a “do the right thing” kind of guy.

Our arrangement was to be only “friends with benefits.” But he’s recently been acting like he wants more checking on me via text or just saying “Good Morning,” being very tender and sweet in bed.

He’s asked me, “What would you say if I told you I’ve been thinking about you more lately?” I like him and could easily love him.

However, he’s previously always maintained that we’d never work, and that he doesn’t feel a “spark.”

Now things seem different but I don’t know how to proceed.

We’re in our 40s, divorced with kids. I think we could be great partners. Where do I start? I don’t want to have one of those talks that make men and feel cornered.

– A Turning Point?

Start with deciding what you want, this is not just about him defining the relationship.

You’re 40s, have your own children.

If he still wants you only as a beneficial friend, can you continue to accept that despite obviously having feelings for him?

Consider that what may’ve been convenient and uncomplicated until now, is already layered with new hints of emotions from him. With you getting ready to consider a full-on relationship, would you be able to continue with less, if he’s still not interested in that?

Once you know what you want/need/can accept, then you don’t have to ask cringemaking questions. You’re a grown woman. State what you feel.

TIP OF THE DAY

Many “friends with benefits” relationships have a “best before” date, which is when to move on.

Read Ellie Monday to Saturday. Email ellie@thestar.ca. Follow @ellieadvice.