If you want a future, don’t hang onto someone with closed doors

I’m 35, he’s 41, we’ve dated for three years, both don’t want kids.

He’s firmly stated that he never wants to get married or cohabitate.

An ex once tried to scam him financially when their relationship dissolved. He’s scared of it happening again.

I’d happily sign a pre-cohabiting agreement, or prenuptial if he wanted marriage. I’m not interested in his money, and never pursued past lovers for money post-relationship.

He warned me from the start that he won’t say that he loves me.

He shows he cares for me by cooking dinner, giving massages, and helping with the occasional chore.

I’m feeling that there’s going to be no natural progression to our relationship.

I question, What’s the point of it? I sometimes feel a bit rejected as well.

I do love him.

Do I settle for what I have now? Or should I let go and find another who wants those extra relationship goals like a shared space, marriage, and “I love you’s”?

– Any Future Here?

He’s constructed a secure fence around the possibility of a future.

And he’s shared little of himself, occasional chores and making some dinners (?) - beyond sometime companionship and sex.

I ask you, What’s the point? You’ve hung in long enough. After three years’ dating, it’s insulting if he still suspects that you might take advantage of him financially. Either he knows and respects your character, or he doesn’t. And banning the word “love” from his lips is a cold-hearted control tactic.

Break it off and tell him why. You want love in your life and a true companion who wants

with a family member who is on the warpath. Change your outlook and take a power nap before having a serious discussion. You might be disappointed by what occurs. Honor your ideas, and express your ingenuity. Tonight: Invite friends over.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

You can be reserved at times and a blabbermouth at other times. Imagine trying to have a discussion with yourself, then act accordingly. Deal with some suppressed anger or frustration. Understand that excess of any kind could be a problem. Tonight: Relax with your best friend.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20)

Be aware of your finances. Could there be a liability somewhere, or are you more prone to fraud or error than you realize? Your mind is working overtime. You have the power to carry out a goal or desire. Discover the power of positive thinking. Tonight: Dinner at a favorite spot.

BORN TODAY: Singer/songwriter Loretta Lynn (1932), baseball player Pete Rose (1941), actress Abigail Breslin (1996)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY for Sunday, April 15, 2018:

This year you could startle many people around you with your unusual insights and energy to follow through on them. You could become quite the innovator or inventor. Confusion tends to surround you, as you often run with an idea without first completing your thought. If you are single, your energy and creativity will attract many people. In fall, you are likely to meet someone who intrigues you. If you are attached, be sensitive to your sweetie’s needs. A fellow ARIES could point out how me-oriented you have become.

ARIES (March 21-April 19)

You might wake up on the wrong side of the bed. What starts off as a tense situation could transform into an enlightening conversation. Both parties recognize the to share his life with yours, not just do favours to keep you hoping.

If he responds by walking away willingly, better now than later.

Seven years ago I met a man in the band playing in the bar that night.

There was lots of staring at each other across the room and cute little stuff.

I went to a lot of his shows and finally got his number. One night when he again was playing there and I, of course, was drunk and stuff, I finally went home with him and had the best night ever.

He said, “Yeah, we can talk and see each other again.” But I never heard from him again.

I get that it was a one-night stand. But after all these years I can’t get over him. He’s all I think about and I wonder, Did I do something wrong?

I know there was something between us. I just can’t get over him for some reason.

– Stuck in Memory

What was between you was the obvious possibility of that one-night stand.

You presented yourself as totally ready, “of course drunk and stuff, “hanging around repeatedly, and he responded, once.

There was no “more” there. However, your urge to connect with this guy, was not “doing something wrong,” if you could handle that kind of encounter. Unfortunately, you fantasized that there was a romantic link between you and then felt rejected when it wasn’t there.

importance of changing and adapting to a new situation. Consider a new beginning. Tonight: Relax over a great dinner.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20)

You sense that much more is going on than you realize. How you deal with an imaginative yet aggravating person depends on what you want in the long run. Before blurting out a comment or two, consider who this person is to you. Tonight: Play it low-key.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20)

You might want to reconsider your approach with a friend. You could have a grievance, and will want to air it. Ask yourself what the cost of speaking up is before taking action. Make good choices for you and others. No one needs to call all the shots. Tonight: Follow the crowd.

CANCER (June 21-July 22)

You’ll be expected to meet the demands of someone around you. Know that this is likely to create more stress for you. Perhaps bringing your feelings out into the open might help. Have a discussion about different ways you can compromise. Tonight: Drop in on an older loved one.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22)

You shine and express deeper feelings than you have in a long time. This openness delights someone who might be quite distant from you. A visit will be in order, even if it means a change of plans. Meanwhile, get into an important project. Tonight: With a favorite person.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

You have the ability to relate to others on a one-on-one level. You might want to clear the air in the near future. Be responsive to the other party’s feelings. Adapt for a loved one’s sake, and you’ll see the benefits immediately. Tonight: Find a reason to celebrate!

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

Defer to a partner who might be unusually feisty. You could feel as if you need to distance yourself from others in the morning. Later in the day, you will witness a

Seven years of feeling badly about it is too long. It’s time to see a counsellor and talk about why this fairly common type of disappointment has hit you so hard.

There’s nothing wrong with you. Mostly, you built up unrealistic expectations, initially fuelled by alcohol and whatever else. Counselling can help you look back at it realistically, put it behind you, and then move forward in your dating life.

FEEDBACK

Regarding a woman’s decision whether to tell a man, almost 50, the long-held secret that his “father” was not his birth father (March 20): Reader: “My husband discovered at age 75 that the man whom he thought was his father was not.

“He learned this when our son began researching our DNA and ancestry.

“In our case everyone who might have known the circumstances has died.

“But what we learned from this is that such things can no longer be kept secret.

Ellie: Yes, anyone who’s seeking genealogy and historical information, can stumble upon facts that come as a total and sometimes upsetting surprise.

In the March 20 case, the woman hadn’t seen the “son” in 15 years and couldn’t know how the news would affect him.

I suggested she meet with him first, discern whether he should know for health issue reasons, and whether he could handle such disruptive news.

TIP OF THE DAY

If you want an open future in a relationship, don’t hang onto someone who’s already closed the doors. change that allows you to be respond accordingly. Have a longoverdue conversation. Tonight: Order in.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

You have a project in mind that needs completion. Handle your taxes, if need be. You might want to rebel against doing this work, but discipline yourself and just do it. You will feel remarkably better as you start to see the outcome. Tonight: Lighten up your mood with a friend.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

Your playfulness cannot be suppressed. Avoid serious conversations and/or projects. A loved one adores it when you are carefree and easygoing. Relax with others while exchanging humor, knowledge and caring. You have a great time together! Tonight: Let the fun continue.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

A family member might be the source of pressure, yet you feel as if you can’t change the situation. Recognize that you are making a judgment about what is expected of you. Observe a difference in what occurs once you tackle this issue. Tonight: Share news with a loved one.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

You might not recognize the anger that seems to be building within you. You suddenly could find yourself seething for a reason that you don’t fully comprehend. Open up a discussion quietly, without going on a tear about how you feel. Get feedback. Tonight: Till the wee hours.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20)

You have a lot to share. The friend who takes your comments personally also embodies some of the problems that you are discussing. You might not want to push this person, unless you want to witness a major uproar. Tonight: Indulge in a favorite treat at a favorite place.

BORN TODAY: Singer Bessie Smith (1894), actress Emma Thompson (1959), singer/songwriter Chris Stapleton (1978)