Revenge is not always best served cold
My boyfriend of more than two years has started changing his appearance and has gone on a health kick.
I thought he was doing it to feel better and, silly me, for me.
I’ve recently found charges for a hotel room and a subscription to a dating site. I’m heart broken. I thought we had something good together.
I know I need to cut my losses and move on, but I’m feeling vindictive and want to catch him in his lie.
– Payback?
Vindictiveness can boomerang back and affect you more than it does him.
First, there’s the planning of the big confrontation, likely talking to your best friend about it, heating up your anger. Then there’s the bold-faced lie and the hurt it causes when he tries to get away with it. These are unwanted “gifts” from plotting revenge: Ugly scenarios whose memory becomes hard to erase. Vindictiveness becomes obsession and you’re NOT moving on but stuck in sadness.
It can create distrust in future relationships, rather than free you to use your experience for assessing the character of potential dates.
You already know that this one’s a cheater. You have evidence. Present it, and then walk away.
Reader’s Commentary Regarding the woman who wants to have more children but her husband’s against it (May 3): “Twenty-seven years ago, we had a beautiful year-old daughter and I wanted another child.
“My husband did not. We only had sex when I wasn’t ovulating. (He always seemed to know).
“Then I got a psychic knock on the head that said, ‘There are no guarantees when you have a child. Be grateful for what you have.’”
“I told my husband to get a vasectomy.
“No more children, but one child who’s grown up into a wonderful adult.
“I couldn’t be happier with this family. I don’t regret or hold it against my husband.
“Tell her, ‘Be grateful for what you have.’
“Be a loving, caring wife and mother. Someday you may be a mother-in-law with another person to love. Maybe grandchildren will follow with more people to love.
“Life is about what you have, not what you haven’t.”