Journal Pioneer

How many sexual partners are considered to be too many?

- Read Ellie Monday to Saturday. Email ellie@ thestar.ca. Follow @ellieadvic­e. Ellie Tesher

Readers responded to the question asked by “Moral Compass” How many sexual partners are considered too many? (June 16): Reader: “Before I’d turned 20, my first true love committed suicide and left me with a gaping emptiness that I couldn’t process properly, then. “I went through a short phase of partying, excessive drinking, drug use, attempting to numb the pain I was feeling. “I also had multiple sexual partners in a short time because I couldn’t cope with my loneliness and wanted to feel SOMETHING. “This behaviour continued for several months before close friends helped me recognize the dangerous lifestyle I was living. “I saw doctors, ensured I was free of STI’s (sexually transmitte­d infections) and did what I could to turn my life around. “Because of this, I’d had more sexual partners prior to turning 20 than I was comfortabl­e about. “When new relationsh­ips started to form and pasts were discussed, many people couldn’t see past the number of partners I’d had in such a short time. “Those connection­s often ended before they really had a chance to begin. “This was due to harsh judgement rather than an honest understand­ing of a traumatic event that still, today, affects me. “I’m almost 40 now, and though my “number” is high, very few will take into account that most of those sexual contacts happened in a three-to-four-month span. “In the 20 years after, I’ve only had three new sexual partners. “I made those younger choices in the moment, but does that mean I deserve to be judged for them for the rest of my life? “Perhaps ‘Moral Compass’ and the group of friends discussing this, should be open to realizing that a person shouldn’t be judged by the choices they made, but how they’ve learned to grow because of them. “Nothing is as simple as “a number.”

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