Examine the reasons for having a baby

How do I, without a blow up, discuss my feelings for wanting another child with my husband of eight years?

We have a five-year-old daughter. He has three boys from a previous marriage, from teenage to early-20s, whom I’ve been raising since they were two, eight and ten.

We waited a long time to marry because of issues with my husband’s ex and court.

When our daughter was a baby, my mom was diagnosed with terminal cancer. Suddenly, my life as a new mom was very stressful, busy and hard.

I’d love to have another child and enjoy that short-lived baby time.

We would’ve entertained this possibility sooner but my mom passed away and time flew by. My husband is nine years older than I am and I feel my biological clock is ticking.

– The Baby Deadline

You two have been through a lot, from his divorce troubles through raising his sons, to a daughter’s birth, and your mother’s loss.

You were partners, through it all. Now he’s apparently resisting you, perhaps due to his age, or the practical concerns of supporting and educating a fifth child.

Your biological drive to get pregnant while you can, carries some weight.

Yet, the stated reason, for you to enjoy baby time, isn’t strong enough to help him change his mind.

Make your approach as much about him, as suiting you, and you’ll have a better chance. Here’s the best argument that I often hear: The youngest child born to an older father is often the one that keeps him feeling young, and is around longest with youthful interests and activities that engage him and the whole family.

FEEDBACK

Regarding the young woman, 18, whose birth mother notified the adoption agency which contacted the adopting family, to inform them that she wants to contact the teenager (Sept. 10):

Reader: “I, too, was given up at birth and was then adopted two weeks later.

“When I was 30, my birth mom found me. I met her, but I had the full support of my mom. If nothing else, I learned some health history.

“We became friends and I introduced her to my mom on Mother’s Day.

“We stayed friends until my birth mother’s death. I made sure she knew she was a friend, and my mom was always my mother.

“Age 18 might be early to meet her, but she sounds mature and has a great family.

“I agree with you that this is something that needs to be discussed with her mom and dad. She shouldn’t feel guilty.”