Recognize an abusive relationship

I have been in a relationship with a man for almost five years, during which there have been both major highs and lows. When we first started dating, he was sweet, kind and spoiled me in every way possible.

The last couple of years, he’s been calling me names, constantly checking on me, not letting me return to university. And slowly, I noticed my friends disappear.

Anything he says, I must do, or he’ll threaten to leave. He’s only like this when we fight. In good times/days, it’s amazing.

Many people in my life tell me he’s emotionally abusing me, but people say hurtful things when fighting, right?

Should I call it quits? I enjoy our life together and our home but don’t know if I can take the almost-daily screaming and namecalling anymore. I want things the perfect way we were before.

– Confused and Sad

Run! Or his emotional abuse will eventually affect your physical health too.

That’s what the people in your life are urging you to recognize. So am I.

Yes, people say hurtful things sometimes, but this man has also isolated you and stolen your freedom.

The “sweet” beginning is the hallmark of controlling abusers. They hook you in with megaattention and kindness. Then, once sure of their power, they wield it destructively, e.g. checking up on you is their way of saying you can’t be trusted.

And university had to be cancelled because it gave you access to better influences he can’t allow you to have.

There’s no place for confusion here, little time for wishing otherwise. Plan a safe way to leave. Do not use your phone or personal email, instead, use a public-library’s computer, and leave when he’s out.

Stay with family, or a trusted friend.

If he threatens you, contact police to seek a restraining order against him.

Tip of the day

Recognize when a relationship is too abusive for you to accept. And run!