New Year’s Eve isn’t a definition of who you are

I’m 22, have a decent job, and people say I’m attractive.

But I’m embarrassed to admit when asked, that I still don’t have a date for New Year’s Eve.

Am I a loser?

– Secret Shame

No. Not a loser, but you need to change your defeatist selfimage.

A New Year’s date with the wrong person - e.g. someone barely known, and accepted only because you thought you’d otherwise be considered a loser, is no fun.

I was 17 when a couple of girlfriends, 19, whom I knew from summer camp invited me to go to New York City with them to be in Times Square on New Year’s Eve.

On the drive there, I was told they’d arranged a ìdateî for me (they had their own, we were meeting them at a house party.)

Times Square was freezing cold that night and jammed. I couldn’t move an inch from my friends without fear of being lost in the jostling crowd.

The drive to a house in the Bronx seemed endless, we arrived at 1am, my friends disappeared somewhere in the house, my stranger-date dropped a sloppy kiss on me, and I avoided him between the washroom and the kitchen till we left at 3am.

My advice: Create your own cozy gathering with close friends. Offer to set up for drinks and light snacks, and have guests bring or order in their favourite dish.

If on your own, plan an evening you know you’ll enjoy - stream favourite movies (avoid heavy weepers), read a great book, listen to music that inspires you.

Do not drink excess alcohol and feel sorry for yourself.

That’s important, so you can make a sincere resolution the next day to work at meeting new people (try some meetup. com groups), pursue an activity or course that interests you, and boost your fitness/well-being with some form of exercise (consider a walking group).

FEEDBACK

Regarding the husband of 35 years wanting to move to their basement, where the grandchildren reside (November 29):

Reader: “You’re wrong in not telling the woman that we DON’T have control over our hearts.

“The wife should accept this change in the husband’s inner state.

“It’ll preserve peace between the couple and the family. Both partners would be free to pursue their futures lives.”

TIP OF THE DAY

New Year’s Eve is a notable calendar date, not a definition of who you are.