Helping those vulnerable in a bad situation

My partner and I separated but remained good friends, seeing each other regularly. We’re late-50s.

I wanted to be free because he wanted me to focus only on him - no friends, no outside interest. I finally left. He’s since told me that his nephew (his sister’s son) is having marital problems and he’s helping the wife because she has a young child. He’s advised her to leave her husband and he’ll help her.

Days later I had to pick up something from his place and I used his washroom. On the sink counter was a box of medication for erectile dysfunction, which, towards the end of our relationship, he denied needing and wouldn’t discuss with me.

While I was there, his niecein-law was constantly texting him and I asked him what’s going on. She’s his nephew’s wife and the mother of his sister’s only grandchild. She’s only 28!

He brushed my question aside, and instead said he had coffee “dates” for him to advise her. This young woman lacks experience to recognize what he’s really like. I have no doubt that he’s having an affair with her, just months after he was still with me. Do I disclose it?

– Disgusted and Bitter If you want to help this young woman avoid a disastrous union, drop the “bitter” part of your thinking.

You left him for solid reasons. Staying friends is now impossible as he lacks decency.

Tell him you’ll disclose his affair (and his manipulation) of his niece to his sister if he doesn’t end it, fast. If he persists, disclose, and urge his sister to help the young woman get counselling.

Also, tell her to recommend marital counselling for the couple to try and resolve the issues that made a young wife so vulnerable to this man. My two daughters are crosscountry runners on a “Y” team for ages 8-to-14.

A 9-year-old joined, and her single mother’s begged to have the 7-year-old included.

That was fine until the girl insisted her same-age friend had to join. Those two youngsters regularly disrupt practices, don’t follow the coach’s instructions, and cry when corrected.

The older girls, the parents, and the coach are getting annoyed with these younger kids. What should we do?

– Upset Team Read Ellie Monday to Saturday. Send relationship questions to ellie@thestar.ca. Follow @ellieadvice.