Disagree without being disagreeable

LETTERS

I dislike reading some of the “Roasted and Toasted” postings. Why? Because people can be so disagreeable expressing their disagreement.

Nonetheless, I feel I must read it because it is important to understand my fellow citizens and to know the community I live in. I must confess also I am guilty sometimes of the very offence I am criticizing here. I must try to always find respectful language.

Sadly I sense that civility in our day-today conversations is diminishing recently. Is politeness no longer important? The hallmark of democracy, I believe, is to agree to disagree without being unpleasant. Dictators, tyrannical kings and selfrighteous religious leaders all tend to be thin-skinned egomaniacs, and some persecuted and even killed those who disagreed with them. Those days are supposed to be over in a democracy like ours. So why insult someone who doesn’t agree with you.

It is not only unpleasant to hear gratuitously disrespectful words but also it is an ineffective way to communicate if you want to influence others. If hurtful words are thrown at me, I get annoyed and will stop listening. Are you trying to persuade opponents into your way of thinking, or do you just want to insult them? When insulted, the opponent only gets angry and thinks of a way to get back at you. It is a waste of time to engage in a debate where the participants are determined to toe the party line or are not ready to change their mind.

When I was teaching at a university in southern Africa, I doubled as Dean of Students for a while. I often had to be involved in the court cases when students appeared. One student stabbed a man in a fight, causing a non-life-threatening injury. The village chief who normally acted as the magistrate, gave him six lashes. On another occasion, a student verbally insulted a female server at the cafeteria. The offender was sentenced to prison for several months, missing exams. In the Basotho culture, they believe that a mere physical injury can heal but words can destroy a person profoundly, therefore, is a more serious offence.

I am not advocating respectful language just to show off our civility. I believe a society functions better when people demonstrate respect to each other despite the difference in opinion. I prefer to live in a society where respect for each other is the norm.

Tad (Tadashi) Mitsui

Lethbridge