Finding common ground

MEDIATORS

Last of three parts

Competing parties often become so focused on their differences that they lose sight of common ground, things they can agree on. Mediators try to detect common ground, using it as a starting point to get negotiation going.

Workers and management sometimes reach an impasse, where neither of them is willing to give an inch. The common ground consists of several important things: they need each other; they want the company to succeed; what is good for the company benefits the workers, and vice versa; workers need payment, and companies need a workforce.

By automation, companies try to diminish the influence of humans: machines don’t need vacation and sick leave; they don’t demand payment and raises; and they don’t need pension and health-care plans. However, since machines don’t have the human combination of perception, thinking, feeling, willing, situation-analysis, and weighed plans, they can’t make the comprehensive appraisal of problems and solutions, as humans can.

Man’s highest accomplishments were realized by man and machine working together, such as research, moon landings, fighter planes, car racing, and factories.

Warring factions want peace, prosperity, and human rights. However, they differ on the means and methods to reach those goals. With mediation, Northern Ireland succeeded in switching from senseless tit-fortat killings to practical cooperation for the common good. Maybe, this approach can work in Israel, Syria and Ukraine as well.

When couples get into negative interaction, they ignore the good in each other and focus on the other person’s bad attitudes and conduct, minimizing their own unacceptable behaviour. Mediation can help them start radiating positive vibes again, doing what is good for relationships, and avoiding what is bad. If the breakdown of positive feelings has gone too far, and separation seems the only option, mediation can help the couple to disengage in such a way that the least harm is done to their children and to themselves.

When David and his 600 men were fugitives in the Judean desert, they rendered services to farmers and were rewarded with food. David’s messengers were insulted by Nabal when they asked for compensation. It angered David, and he decided to destroy Nabal and all that belonged to him.

Nabal’s wife, Abigail, feared this would happen. She got bread, dried figs and other delicacies ready, put these on pack donkeys, and set out to meet David before he stained his hands with a massacre (1 Sam. 25). She took the blame for the misunderstanding, and pleaded with David to accept her peace offering. She impressed David with her wisdom, and he relented. After Nabal’s natural death, David married Abigail.

Although women had low status, several were successful mediators, such as Esther, the Shunamite woman, the Samaritan woman and Mary Magdalene.

Jacob Van Zyl of Lethbridge is a retired counsellor and the author of several faith-based books.