Daters struggle with COVID-19 compatibility

‘ARE YOU WEARING PROTECTION?’ TAKES ON WHOLE NEW MEANING

As Laura Duarte swipes through a seemingly endless stream of suitors on Tinder, she’s not only looking for a romantic spark, but COVID-19 chemistry. In the early days of the outbreak, Duarte ruled out the duds on online dating apps who flouted lockdown rules by proposing in-person meetups.

Since then, many parts of Canada have eased social distancing restrictions to partially reopen bars and restaurants. Duarte said Toronto’s dating scene is heating up this summer, and the prospect of a real-life rendezvous no longer seems like such a remote possibility.

Still, the 25-year-old said the novel coronavirus has compounded the complications of modern courtship to the point that she’s yet to find someone who’s worth the risk.

“There’s so many intrusive questions that you have to ask,” Duarte said.

“Have you been with anyone else? Have you been tested lately? ... Are you wearing protection? Are you wearing a mask?”

Duarte is among the singles who say the pandemic has warped romantic rituals to turn casual dating into a serious commitment.

But sex is an important part of physical and mental wellness, and the desires of those looking for casual hookups should be acknowledged in public health messaging, advocates say.

For some, COVID-19 concerns have forced thorny conversations about intimacy and exclusivity before meeting face-to-face.

Awar Obob in Halifax, who is nonbinary and uses the pronouns they and them, said they’ve encountered the full spectrum of romantic risk tolerance while exploring online dating apps, but none of these potential mates have proved to be a match.

“There are people who have thrown caution to the wind and say, ‘Let’s meet up right now,’” said Obob.

“Then there are the people who are so cautious that they’re like, ‘I’m not sure why I’m even on here.’”

Experts say there may be benefits to opening up communication about COVID-19 compatibility, and even public health officials could stand to be more candid about negotiating the forces of love and lust during a pandemic.

Asked if there was any way for singles to have sex safely this summer, Canada’s chief public health officer told reporters that standard social safety precautions should extend to amorous encounters, but admitted it was her first time fielding the question.

“I’m not a dating expert,” Dr. Theresa Tam said at a news conference last Friday.

“I don’t know what to say except (proceed) carefully, slowly, like all other advice on reopening social and economic activities.”

The first tip Tam offered was “don’t date if you’re sick,” noting that people can carry the virus even if they’re not showing symptoms.

She said “singular dating” is preferable to playing the field, so it’s probably best to get know someone virtually before meeting up in person.

For first date ideas, Tam suggested picking a spot outdoors at a safe distance from others, such as a picnic in the park.

The novel coronavirus is spread through respiratory droplets, so intimate contact, such as kissing, is a potential route of transmission, said Tam.

“This is a serious social contract you have with someone.”

Tam proposed a “checklist” to help daters consider how seeing someone new could have ramifications for their social circle, particularly vulnerable family members.

Winnipeg sex therapist Reece Malone said many daters are already putting this concept into practice by asking COVID-19 screening questions to gauge each other’s comfort levels.

Some of these topics can be touchy, Malone acknowledged, such as probing about a prospective partner’s recent sexual history or what kinds of physical contact they’d be open to.