Can you be a caregiver and be true to your own passion for life?
Trapped in the jail of the doing, the demands of caregiving can strip away the most inner sense of your being.
I recently read a blog post that emphasized the need for a place, such as online groups, for caregivers to vent (she used a much stronger word!). I am part of some very supportive online groups and they are a healthy place to get support.
What I caution against is using venting as a way to stay in your story. This tends to happen in groups where everyone feels uncomfortable emotions because of a common experience.
People feed off each other, and instead of feeling better after venting, they feel worse. They can feel hopeless, receive validation for troubling emotions, leading to self-righteousness and vindication for the emotions, and perhaps for some of their own unhealthy reactions. In other words, their anger, frustration and resentment gets stoked, and what is seen outwardly is someone flying off the handle, yelling, screaming, or disengaging completely using the silent treatment.
Most likely you have felt the waves of anger, frustration, disappointment, sadness and resentment that are part of the caregiving world. It’s healthy to acknowledge and accept those feelings. Stuffing them inside is one of the worst things that you can do, and I teach many ways of accepting, allowing and releasing these feelings.
It can be a downward spiral to depression, anxiety, and troubled family relationships.
What else is there to do?
Bring back a sense of self. Life won’t be the same as it once was. That doesn’t mean you have to give up everything, including your hopes and dreams. The bridge is to discover how to keep one toe in the passion and excitement of your dreams, and the other toe in the reality of where you are in this present moment in time. I know this from personal experience and from learning a very important system to making this come true in my life, and for the life of my husband. The last three years we had together were full of joy, peace, love and it wouldn’t have been that way if I hadn’t learned this information.
You can discover this not so secret system in the workshop “Fuel Your Passion for Life,” where you will reconnect with your happiness and create your personal roadmap to living your own joy and happiness while you are caregiving. Thank you to the partners: Parkinson Association of Alberta, Community Mental Health Association, and the Community Foundation of Southeast Alberta. For more information and to register, call Beth at Parkinson Association of Alberta, 403-526-5521.
Lorna Scott is a caregiver strategist, a member of the Caregiver Coalition of Southeast Alberta and The Caregiver’s Lighthouse; and is author of the best selling book “Walking the Journey Together … Alone.” She may be contacted at Lorna@TheCaregiversLighthouse.com or 403-548-8437.