You can’t force a sibling to help with a sick parent

Dear Annie: I am one of 13 siblings. Both of our parents have been sick for the past four years. At one time, we had a family meeting, and everyone agreed to pay $20 a week for a caregiver. But slowly, my siblings started to bail out. The first to go was their favourite (and ungrateful) daughter.

Dad died three months ago. It was hard on those of my sisters who gave up their weekends to care for my folks. Meanwhile, the ungrateful daughter and another sister were listed as beneficiaries on Dad’s life insurance policy. We talked to them about leaving the money to Mom, who needed it. One sister did. The other, however, pocketed all of it.

How can she live with herself ? What can we do?

— Saddened Sibling

Dear Sibling: We can’t explain why some kids turn out the way they do. The psychological factors are too numerous to mention. You cannot force your sister to return any of the money or to be gracious enough to give it to Mom. Chalk it up to a sad loss, not only of the money, but also of your closeness to your sister.

Dear Annie: I have an acquaintance who gives parties (birthdays, baby showers) for her immediate family, and the invitation always requests that guests bring a side dish. The party is never in her home. I don’t think she wants to take the time to clean, and it is too small to hold all the people she invites.

To throw a party for your spouse or child and expect the invited guests to bring a gift and

provide the food strikes me as wrong. — Living Within My Budget

Dear Budget: If you know in advance that the party is potluck, and everyone brings a dish to share, it is tolerable to have this type of party, even though the gifts benefit her family members. You could, of course, say that your side dish is also your gift.

Dear Annie: My heart goes out to “In the Middle.” We, too, have a grossly overweight daughter and have tried every way we know to help her. I have paid for just about every diet there is, only to find her cheating. She is the most beautiful girl and has a heart to match.

She is now 35 and still can’t see what she is doing to herself. She has three children and teaches kindergarten. She nearly lost her job because she could not bend down to the children’s level. She is often at the doctor’s office. Her knees ache, and she can’t walk very far, but no physician has said a thing about her weight.

— It Hurts Dear Hurts: Your daughter is responsible for her own health. All you can do is love her as she is for as long as you can.