Roadwork provokes conspiracy theories
It ’s
time to whine about Pine, the well-known street that vanished six months ago in a crush of earthmovers, backhoes and 10,000 orange cones.
Since spring, Pine Ave. near the Royal Vic has been reduced to a country trail going west, while Pine going east and Doctor Penfield Ave. are shut down totally, causing traffic havoc all over downtown. The area has been a showcase for things that Montreal does badly.
It started in April when signs went up overnight saying “Construction” — but there was no mention of why, or for how long. A week? a month? A decade? Most cities post signs with completion dates so you know what to expect, but here they never tell us — probably because they don’t know.
Detour signs were also slow to appear and confusing when they did. For the first few weeks, hundreds of cars a day drove up Peel St. to Pine — then U-turned and drove down in traffic chaos when they found it blocked.
I took a cab east on Doctor Penfield Ave. one day and the driver got bewildered by a flashing arrow that wasn’t clear about which way to go. He drove on, rounded a corner and turned white as we saw traffic coming right at us — because the street had become one way. I called police to complain.
By May, the situation in the area was clearer, because we’d all learned the same thing — stay away. News had leaked out that they were rebuilding water and sewer lines — a big job that would obviously take time. But where to go instead?
Many drivers detoured to Sherbrooke St., the closest escape, but the city quickly outwitted them by starting construction there, too — creating an all-day 10-block traffic jam near McGill.
Most others learned to drive over Mount Royal, a once tranquil mountain road that’s become a summertime version of Metropolitan Expressway. Until three years ago this road had an additional lane, which could have accommodated the extra traffic, but the city closed it to “beautify” the mountain.
Yet they haven’t beautified a thing. The lane is still there — an empty stretch of unused concrete you see beside you as you’re stalled in bumperto-bumper traffic.
Back on Pine Ave. itself, work continues into the seventh month, on the same five blocks. Bulldozers trundle about, cranes dig holes then refill them — then dig them up again. Workers constantly rearrange the orange cones on the narrow lane leading west, so one day cars trickle up one side of the street, the next day the other.
We are now near the end of “Phase 3,” according to a city website that recently said the work would be finished by August. But last week it belatedly changed that to October, although “this information is subject to change.”
I biked by the Pine site Thursday and asked some workers when they expect to finish and one laughed and said: “Probably next year.”
Seven months is a long time. In China they build entire cities faster. In fact, today the Chinese could probably build the Great Wall in less time.
Weary residents in my area are wondering if we are getting the “hole truth” about Pine and Penfield’s closing. Conspiracy theories abound:
Some people believe Pine Ave. has been secretly demoted to a back lane, or a dog run, or a ski run — or a mountain-biking trail. It is a former street that will never open again.
Others think the construction is just a front. It’s really a government mining operation to find gold. But they won’t announce it for fear of setting off a gold rush, as 100,000 unemployed Montrealers start prospecting with metal detectors.
Still others dismiss the gold rumour as silly and say the province is secretly digging for shale gas — and fracking.
My own theory is that the street has been converted into a secret training ground for the public works department — an outdoor school for young construction workers learning their craft, where they can practise with backhoes, steam shovels, pavers, unpavers, tampers, untampers and a million cones.
Foreman: “OK, everyone, get that backhoe to fill in this hole and pave it — so another class can tear it up again tomorrow. Don’t worry if you make mistakes, this isn’t a real street anymore.
“You there, young man! I want you to move 900 cones from this side of the road to that side, and another 900 from that side to this. It’s important to look busy!”
Worker: “Yes sir, will do! But I’ll be absent from construction class for personal reasons until the end of the month. Will I miss our final exams in re-re-paving?”
Foreman: “No problem. This Pine and Penfield class should last into November — and whatever happens I’m sure we’ll be back to re-re-rerepave again in spring.”