A smartphone- age etiquette primer — for young and old
When it comes to teaching etiquette to children and teens, Nancy Kosik covers a lot of ground. Here are her top six pointers ( which also happen to apply to adults): Text less: Teenagers abuse texting more than anyone else, Kosik says. Use texting only for short messages and never for confidential or delicate discussions.
Don’t text important news — email it instead, or call. Best of all, convey it in person. Don’t use texting to say sorry if you hurt someone’s feelings because it is difficult to convey tone and emotion in a text.
And don’t text or email confidential information you don’t want anyone else to know.
“I am always stressing that anything written and sent electronically is no longer private,” Kosik says. “It is too hard to erase or take back and it can too easily be shared with another party.” Turn off the cellphone when in the company of others: Don’t even keep it on vibrate. This is a tough one, but Kosik insists that the person in front of you deserves priority over those trying to reach you by electronic means. Never talk on the cellphone while dining out or being served in a store or a restaurant. This shows a lack of respect for the person serving you and the people with you.
“We have a big addiction to being constantly updated,” Kosik says, “but you can’t possibly be fully present to the person you are with when you are constantly thinking about who just emailed or texted you.”
If you absolutely must keep it on, advise the person you are with and excuse yourself when the phone rings. Keep the length of the call to a minimum and the level of your voice down. Never, ever use speakerphone in public. Say hello: In the corridor at school, to the bus driver when boarding the bus, in a boutique in the mall, say hello to everyone you make eye contact with. It’s a way to acknowledge the people around you and to show service providers that they are appreciated. It’s also a simple way to break the ice in a crowd of strangers. When people ask how you are, answer. And return the query. When you leave, always say goodbye. Pick up your stuff: Backpacks are the bulkiest of kids’ accoutrements and the bane of adult commuters on the early- morning and late- afternoon bus and commuter train. They take up too much room, they pose a tripping hazard. When you are carrying a large item in a crowded place, like the bus or métro, in the corridor or in an elevators, remove it from your back or your shoulder and hold it in front of you or place it on your lap when sitting or between your legs when standing. Introduce yourself: Whether visiting a friend’s house for the first time or making a phone call to the dentist, always introduce yourself before you do anything else. In person, make eye contact and say why you are there. On the phone, be sure to begin by asking if the person on the other end of the line is free to talk to you. Hold the door open: It is an old form of chivalry that still applies. It helps make room for the comings and goings of people in crowded places. And it shows respect for others, whatever their age. The rule in doorways is similar to that in buses and métros: those exiting have priority over those entering.