Open relationships aren’t for everyone

Dear Annie: I am six months into a separation from my husband of seven years. (The separation was his idea.) I thought our relationship was solid and was completely blindsided when he told me he felt deserted and lonely.

While I am still hoping for reconciliation, I have recently begun seeing someone else. My relationship with Mr. New is of the friends-with-benefits nature. If I reconcile with my husband, am I required to disclose this liaison? We have a “don’t-ask-don’t-tell” type of marriage.

Still Married

Dear Still: If you have a “don’t-ask-don’t-tell” relationship, then you are under no obligation to disclose anything about your extracurricular activities. However, if your husband feels lonely and abandoned, you might want to rethink the type of marriage you have. Open marriages don’t work for everyone, and yours may not be as satisfying as either of you expected.

Please don’t assume your problems will resolve themselves during the separation. The two of you should have a frank and honest discussion and see whether you can get to the root of your issues. Then you can make adjustments so things improve. Otherwise, counselling can help steer you in the right direction, together or separately.

Dear Annie: There’s another option to consider when it comes to “Guilty by Accusation,” the 20-year-old whose parents accused him of taking their Xanax because he had once done so when he was 15.

Xanax is prescribed for anxiety. For those who experience it, anxiety is a truly troubling ailment. Those suffering from it keep the issues that bother them roiling around in their heads much more intensely than the average person. The Xanax calms this and helps them “let go” a bit easier.

So one needs to take the parents’ response into consideration — that they were more anxious about the missing pills than they were convinced that their son had stolen them. Accusing him was the easiest answer to their anxiety.

Most of us have done something when we were young that we’d like to take back. I hope “Guilty” realizes that his youthful slip-up doesn’t define who he is. He sounds like a guy who cares. So when he asks what else he can say to his parents, I suggest he say, “How can I help you find the Xanax?”

Retired Pharmacist

Dear Pharmacist: You make a good point that people with anxiety issues might worry tremendously about their misplaced medication, blaming whoever is handy. We hope the Xanax turns up soon so that their son is off the hook.