Bully brother-in-law has no authority here

Dear Annie: I am a 33-year-old married man. My wife and I both have children from previous marriages. My daughter sees us every other weekend, but my wife’s 10-year-old daughter lives with us. I have been supporting her since she was 3, and I love her like she was my own.

My wife has a brother who is my age. He’s never been married or had kids. Recently, while my wife was out of town, her brother and I had a falling out. He was angry with our 10-yearold for not listening to him, and told her off in a manner I found crude and disrespectful. At first, I didn’t say anything, because my mother-in-law was present and she told him to cut it out. But he didn’t listen to her and continued belittling and embarrassing the girl.

I told him that if he wanted respect, he needs to show respect himself. I also said that he was being immature and making mountains out of molehills. We argued for 20 minutes, and as he walked out the door, he told me that I wasn’t her real father and that my wife had given him permission to discipline her whenever she didn’t listen to him. I have yet to speak to my wife to see if this is true.

I will be the first to admit that when it comes to discipline, I am easygoing. But does an aunt or uncle have any authority to discipline nieces and nephews? And does my not being her father give my brother-in-law precedence over me? I know my brotherin-law loves his niece, but I can’t stand the way he treats her. And I’m tired of having the

fact that I’m not her biological father thrown in my face all the time. What do I do?

Confused Dad

Dear Dad: First, talk to your wife and clear this up. An uncle has no authority to discipline unless he has the parents’ permission, and this immature brother-in-law should not have such permission. And an uncle would never take precedence over a step-parent unless the stepparent was abusive or neglectful. That doesn’t sound like the case here. The fact that your mother-in-law also found his behaviour objectionable makes him sound like a bully. You and your wife should go over these issues and make sure you support one another.

Dear Annie: I saw the letter from “Didn’t Like It, Either,” about children who don’t want to hug or kiss relatives.

Years ago, when my granddaughter was younger, she was embarrassed by my hugs and kisses when I dropped her at school. So we started doing “Pinky Hugs and Thumb Kisses.” We hooked our pinky fingers together (hugs) and then pressed our thumbs together (kisses). It worked fine.

She is all grown up now, and we still laugh and do it when we say goodbye. Just thought you might want to pass it on.

J.

Dear J.: This is adorable. And it can help those children who love their relatives and want to show affection, but find physical contact too difficult or awkward.