It’s not end of the world, put aside R.E.M. gripes

Dear Annie: I can’t stand R.E.M. (the band, not the sleep cycle). I just never understood their appeal. I was born in the early ’80s and went to college in the late ’90s and early 2000s, so a lot of people around me loved the band.

When my satellite radio station puts on It’s the End of the World as We Know It for the billionth time, I simply change the station. But this does become a problem sometimes — whenever I’m with my wife.

She’s not like some big R.E.M. superfan. The thing is that her brother, who is my age, had a rough time in high school. He was depressed, even to the point of being suicidal, and claims that R.E.M. saved his life.

I know depression is real, and I am glad my brotherin-law is doing well, but I can’t help myself. I still think R.E.M. is unlistenable. When they come on the radio, my wife turns it up and talks about how special the band is. Why does this bother me so much? — Losing My Religion

Dear Losing: What about finding some compassion? We all have our pet peeves. I’m not the biggest R.E.M. fan, either. But I want you to try to put your grievances with the band aside for 5 ½ minutes and listen to their song Everybody Hurts. Imagine how someone who feels utterly alone might be comforted by its message.

Yes, it’s hard to remember to be tolerant when annoying things flare up, but empathy works like a muscle; the more you exercise it the more it grows.

Dear Annie: It was my 25th birthday recently, and my fiancé and I had a specific themed party on that day, but it was all of his friends who came over. I am on the shy side and didn’t wish to make my birthday a big deal, so I thought it’d be fun to have this party for the guys. One of the guys asked me why I wasn’t out with my friends. He didn’t mean anything harmful by it, and I didn’t think too hard about the question in the moment. But later on, it had me thinking of the answer: “Because I have no friends.” After graduating college, my closest friends all dispersed into the world.

I do live with my best friend — my fiancé. However, I feel a bit sad with the realization that I have no other friends. His friends are great, but I want some, too. Am I silly for wanting this? — Locally Lonely

Dear Locally: You’re not silly for wanting friends, but you are silly if you think they’re going to magically appear at your doorstep. Surely, some of your fiancé’s friends have girlfriends. Try reaching out to them. Say yes to more things. Become an active part of your community.