Sister might be in need of an intervention
Dear Annie: My sister and I used to be close, but after I married and had a baby, everything changed. When our father died, our relationship got worse.
We have a small family; it’s just the two of us and our mother. Every year, I invite everybody to our house for Christmas, and every year, my mother gets hurt all over again because my sister makes other plans. My sister, her husband and her daughter travel to another state, where there’s no family. On Christmas morning, my sister calls and says how much she misses us and how it’s a shame her daughter never sees us.
When the family used to get together, my sister would get so stoned she could barely stand. She is not a typical stoner. She has a powerful job that has made her very wealthy. She also has eating disorders.
Their visits were always stressful for my parents and for my family. And she fed her daughter all the sweets she herself refused to eat. For years, my sister said (in front of her daughter), “Someone remind me why I had a child.”
When my father died, my sister inherited his business, making her even wealthier. For a while after that, my sister and her family visited us for holidays. One year, after they left, I went to change the beds and discovered that their 6-year-old had wet the bed.
During that trip, my niece confessed to me that she hated her life and that she needed to hit someone at least once a day. I really worried for my niece. I feel a need to save my niece from my sister. I have invited her to spend a summer with us, but my sister does not respond. Now I’m inclined to just stay away.
After inheriting our father’s business, my sister is in charge of my finances and my mother’s. If I took my account away, I know she would never speak to any of us again. Help. Exhausted and Not High
Dear Exhausted: Your niece needs a hero, so don’t give up yet. It sounds as if your sister suffers from a substance abuse problem and an eating disorder. That’s not a good environment for your niece to grow up in. An intervention might be the wake-up call your sister needs to seek professional help. Join forces with your husband, mom and brother-in-law. If she refuses treatment, call the Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline (800-422-4453) to see what resources are at your disposal to help your niece.
As far as your concerns over pulling your account from your sister’s control go, it’s your money, and you can do with it whatever you wish. She has no right to take charge of your finances when she’s not even acting in charge of her own life.