‘Neverendum’ spreads to Europe
Many years ago, I invented a new Quebec word in this Gazette column.
I had no idea my word would eventually cross the Atlantic and predict a nerve-rattling global phenomenon.
I coined the word in 1992 when Quebec was entering the angst and agony of our second referendum marathon, although we’d barely recovered from the first.
People were suffering from endless heartache, anxiety, anger, insomnia and soul-shattering hope and dread, so I dubbed the era the “neverendum referendum” — which I later shortened to the “neverendum.”
Who knew the word would spread through the Western world to enter the Oxford Dictionary of Political Slang? Or that 27 years later, neverendums would have people everywhere worrying: Will the whole world Brex-up? Where has our “neverendum” travelled? First, it leap-frogged to Britain, a famously stoic country renowned for its ability to “keep calm and carry on” — but no longer, as neverendum nervousness sweeps the island.
I was there briefly this year and it was like time travelling to Quebec in 1995, with recent headlines saying: “Welcome to Neverendum Britain!” And: “Britain’s Neverendum on Europe.” And “Neverendum Hammering Scottish Economy.”
Ever since their Brexit vote, Brits have been consumed by one exhausting conversation: If and how to leave Europe? Their PM just called a snap election to hurry up the breakup and make life even more exhausting.
Scotland is also promising to launch a second neverendum to quit England, (partition?) — then maybe Ireland will, too, as Great Britain looks to become Little Britain.
Just like Quebec in the ’90s, gallows humour is omnipresent, with lines like: “You Brexit, you pay for it.” Or: “After our referendum on the EU, then NATO let’s have one on leaving the solar system.”
A British buddy recently wrote saying the never-ending debate reminds him of the Leonard Cohen line: “They sentenced me to 20 years of boredom.” Sound familiar?
Neverendum dread has recently moved on to France. Tomorrow, the country holds the first round of their presidential election and the whole world is watching, asking questions much like Canada used to:
“What do the French want, Mon Dieu?”
France is a nation that invented le baguette, la bicyclette, le cinema and especially le mécontentement — and that discontent is still thriving.
The enfant terrible of the election is extreme-right, Europescorning, immigrant-bashing Marine Le Pen who wants a referendum to say “au revoir, NATO” and “See you, EU!”
She claims France is losing its French-ness and must freeze immigration, bring back the franc and eat only French products. So bye-bye falafel, hummus and le “Gros Mac” and bonjour boeuf bourguignon.
Yet the more France complains how un-French it’s becoming the more French it sounds. This is a country where grumbling has been a national trait ever since the French Revolution, a place your wine glass is always half-empty even when it’s overflowing with a Grand Cru.
Polls show President François Hollande only has support from four per cent of his country — which is pretty much any poll’s margin of error.
“Le grumbling” is why over 100,000 fatigué young French people have fled home and migrated to Montreal in recent years, bringing their baguettes, runny cheese and très cool winter parkas.
If Frexit happens far more of them may head our way, overrunning Quebec and making the province so French it could be hard to get a good cranberry scone.
Maybe that’s what De Gaulle’s meant when he shouted: “Vive le Canada Français!” here, back in 1967. Who knew he meant France would relocate here?
Standing up to this pessimistic patriotism is another popular French candidate, Emmanuel Macron, a 39-year-old former banker with élan who wants to stay in the EU and keep open borders.
Macron’s most French attribute is his love life, as he eventually married his high school teacher who was 24 years older than him — and they’re still together.
In the U.S. this would cause a scandale, but in France it practically wins Macron the medaille legion d’honneur.
Also rising fast is Jean-Luc Mélenchon, a sometimes Communist who wants to leave the European Union and form one with Cuba and Venezuela. Could we see a French Chunnel to South America?
Whoever wins tomorrow’s vote, there will be a second two-person run-off May 7 to determine whether France’s neverendum continues. Polls suggest it will be Macron versus Le Pen — if so, may the best man win.
As if there weren’t enough neverendums, elections are approaching in Italy, where comedian Beppe Grillo leads the polls, demanding a referendum to dump the euro.
If Italeave happens, other European countries could follow in a festival of neverendums calling for Grexit, Departugal, Czechout, Byegium and Finish.
Here in Quebec, it has a sense of déjà vu all over again. Frankly, I wish my word had died in Quebec along with our last referendum — and never conquered the globe.
I’d love to see an endum to all our neverendums.