Brother’s ashes on shelf as family fights

Dear Annie: My brother was killed in a tragic accident 12 years ago. He had made clear that when he passed away, he wanted no viewing and that he wanted to be cremated. Those wishes were carried out.

The problem is that his two children, who are grown adults, have chosen to not have contact with me. I have had my brother’s ashes, sitting on a shelf, all these years.

Some time ago, I sent a text to both my niece and my nephew regarding spreading their father’s ashes, with an idea of where they could be released. His daughter fired back at me, blaming me for everything she could. It was straight out of left-field. My nephew thanked me for contacting him and said not to do anything until he got back in town. (He was on a trip.) Then their mother, my brother’s ex-wife, fired back at me with threats and curse words.

I sent out a text to my nephew and asked him nicely to arrange a date and time for him to come and pick up the ashes. I did not get a response. I received a text from a cousin of mine stating that if I did not hand them over, he would never speak to me again. Well, he hasn’t spoken to me since, but no one will respond when I ask for someone to pick the ashes up!

This is absolutely heartbreaking, and my brother would hate what is going on with his ashes. I am open to doing whatever would be in everyone’s best interest, but I do not know what that is. Dear Ashes: Without knowing all the details here, I can’t offer any insight into your relatives’ oddly aggressive (or, in your nephew’s case, passive) behaviour. Regardless, the smartest course is to deliver these ashes to your nephew as soon as possible. The United States Postal Service offers the only legal method of shipping cremated remains.

Dear Annie: I am writing in response to the woman who was sexually abused and is afraid to enter into another serious relationship because of her fear it would involve sex. My heart goes out to this woman because I know how she feels.

My mother died when I was very small. My brother and I were sent to live at our grandmother’s, where we were subjected to sexual abuse. I never dated anyone until I met the man who became my husband. He has never forced me to do anything I’m not comfortable with, and we have been able to enjoy each other sexually in other ways.

There are men out there who would treat this poor woman gently and compassionately. She just needs to be honest and upfront about her past. Found Compassion in Wisconsin

Dear Found: Thank you for sharing your hopeful story. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com. To find out more about Annie Lane and read features by other Creators Syndicate columnists and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.