Blindsided by his wife
Dear Annie: Six weeks ago, my wife of 14 years and the mother of my two kids told me our marriage is over. She’s not willing to see a marriage counsellor because she is already at peace with this decision. This revelation blindsided me.
I started working from the house five years ago so I could be more involved with the kids and to help my wife focus more on her career. I have also managed to make a good income through a business I started. While I have been working from home, my wife has been excelling in her career. She recently received a promotion and a raise.
We want to try to shelter the kids from this for as long as possible. We’re still living in the same house, but I’m sleeping in the spare room. She agreed to give this a try for six months. But recently, she said I need to accept that it’s over. She is no longer wearing her wedding ring and is not even willing to hold my hand when we pray at dinner, yet she expects me to play my part when it comes to our friends outside the home.
I still love my wife and would do anything to save our marriage, but living with her without truly living with her may be more than I can take. If all hope is lost, is it better for our kids if I continue to live a lie?
— Trying to Save My Marriage
Dear Trying: I’m so sorry you’re going through this. The torrent of emotions you’re experiencing is too much for any person to process alone. Although your wife isn’t willing to go to counselling, I urge you to seek some form of counselling on your own — whether from a therapist or a trusted religious adviser.
Children can sense when things are wrong, so you aren’t doing them any favours by “suffering in silence.” The best thing you can do for them is to focus on your own mental health during this time of immense stress.
Dear Annie: I question your response to “Heartbroken Mom,” the very unhappy new mother who has gone back to work. Twelve weeks is hardly enough time for a mom to recover after giving birth, let alone go off to work. As a seasoned grandmother, I say that six months of recovery time would be about right.
This young sweet mother is probably experiencing some serious after-birth depression. She needs to see her doctor ASAP. She asks, “When does it get easier?” It won’t, as long as she is emotionally and mentally stressed at work. — Joan AFF
Dear Joan: From my understanding, “Heartbroken Mom” isn’t experiencing postpartum depression; rather, she’s frustrated that going back to work has meant missing out on precious moments with her daughter. However, I hear your concern. I would urge any new mothers who are feeling depressed to talk to their doctors immediately.
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