PARENTING ADVICE
P.K. Subban’s dad has new book
Karl Subban wants to make one thing perfectly clear: he is not a perfect parent.
There is no such thing.
But Subban and his wife, Maria, have had some success when it comes to parenting with three boys — P.K., Malcolm and Jordan — all drafted by NHL teams and two daughters — Nastassia and Natasha — following in their father’s footsteps to work as educators with the Toronto District School Board.
So Subban decided to write a book, hoping to give other parents some advice on lessons learned from what he did both right and wrong while raising five children. The book is titled, How We Did It: The Subban Plan for Success in Hockey, School and Life.
Subban is an impressive man, standing 6-foot-3 with a firm handshake, booming voice, big laugh and warm smile. The 59-year-old retired four years ago as principal of Brookview Middle School, located in one of Toronto’s toughest and poorest neighbourhoods. During his seven years there, Subban helped clean up the school’s environment with a military-style order and blue-and-white uniforms, focusing on self-respect. This year, the school asked Subban to briefly end his retirement and he returned as principal last month and will stay on until December.
“I think some of the wheels fell off, so we returned the wheels to the bus and we’ve inflated the tires and we’re slowly moving ahead,” Subban said Tuesday morning at a downtown Montreal hotel while in town to promote his book. “When people ask me how many kids I have, I say five at home and 400 in the school. I have a lot of kids … it’s a great life.”
After he retired, Subban said he wanted to write a book and also get into public speaking, something that should come naturally to him. He didn’t know exactly what his book would be about, other than it would focus on children and not necessarily his own. But as his three boys continued to enjoy success in hockey, people kept asking him: “How did you do it?” That’s how he decided on the outline and the title for the book.
“I’ve spent my entire life working with children — whether my own or other people’s children,” Subban said. “And I guess the most important message is — and there are many messages in the book — but potential is the lens through which we must see all children. That is very, very important. We want children to see the potential in themselves, too, and believe in it and then use it like my children have done. Being an educator, I can’t think of a more important goal than to help children to see their potential, believe in it and then work to fulfil it.
“The book has forced me to reckon with some of our mistakes,” he added. “Maria and I are not perfect parents ... we’ve made many mistakes, but we also have the mindset of wanting to get better and, obviously, I’m a lot better today than I was yesterday as a dad and that’s how I approach everything in my life.”
Subban said the most important gift parents can give their children is their time.
“Our home is their first school and their parents are their first teachers,” he said. “If you’re spending time with them, you will influence them ... Kids want to be with Mom and Dad — that’s the most important thing you can give them outside of the love and support and safety and shelter and food.”
When asked what mistakes he made as a parent, Subban replied: “One is I would give them more chores at home. No. 2, I would listen to my wife more.”
He let out a big laugh.
The Subbans weren’t rich. P.K.’s fist pair of skates were hand-medown figure skates from his older sisters and his first hockey skates were purchased second-hand. Karl has talked about the family budget being like a pizza — no matter how many slices he cut it into, the pizza remained the same size. But the Subbans provided their children with two key things many of the kids Karl is working with at his school don’t have: love and hope.
“It makes my heart bleed when I see children living without a dream and maybe not getting up every day with a lot of hope,” he said. “So it’s a challenge, but I call it a labour of love — and that’s what parenting is for the most part.”
Subban was recently in a recording studio reading for the audio version of his book. He said there were times when he started laughing about what he had written, other times when he felt inspired by his words, and then there were times he wanted to cry.
“All those emotions are wrapped up in the book,” he said. “But basically, I want people to be inspired and take something from the book to help a youngster or to help themselves.”