Find the middle road on starting life together

Dear Annie: I liked the advice you gave about not moving in with a partner too soon in a relationship, but my situation is quite the opposite.

I’ve been with my boyfriend for 21/2 years (we’re both in our late 20s), and it has recently come up that he wouldn’t marry someone unless he lives with them for a minimum of a year.

I would like to wait until marriage. I like the idea of building a home and starting a new chapter of life together as a married couple.

I also like the idea of having my own space until I’m ready to turn it into “our space.”

I understand his thoughts on the subject (see whether it works before you commit), but we spend six nights a week together already. We’ve already figured out who makes the coffee versus who makes the bed and those kinds of daily lifestyle arrangements. We basically do live together. We just keep our belongings in separate places.

We are very compatible, but is this a deal breaker? I love my boyfriend, but I don’t want to stay in a relationship that has no potential for a future. —Don’t Want to Be Roommates

Dear Don’t Want to Be Roommates: If you’re both set on the same destination, there’s no sense in breaking up over the route. But be certain you do agree on that destination.

Ask him how he feels about marriage. If he’s serious about cohabitation as a stepping stone, then propose a compromise. You’ll move in together after you’re engaged.

And if you can afford to move in to a new place (rather than either of your current apartments), it might help establish that new-chapter feel.

Dear Annie: I’d like to suggest another option for “Anxious Adopter,” whose adopted son has visits with his birth mother but whose adopted daughter has no contact with her birth family.

My suggestion would be for “Anxious Adopter” to talk to her son’s birth mother, to see whether she could find it in her heart to include the daughter in the visits.

Our 15-year-old daughter relinquished her newborn son for adoption many years ago. Years later, when our grandson became a part of our life, he had an adopted sister who had no knowledge of her birth family and no contact. Because she was special to our grandson, she was special to us and was included in our time with our grandson.

My husband and I were honourary grandparents at her wedding. —Twice Blessed

Dear Twice Blessed: I love your solution, which shows real heart and practicality.