The right way to pick my brain
ETIQUETTE TIPS WHEN ASKING FOR ADVICE
The prevalence of email, social media and smartphones means we’ve had to develop a new set of etiquette rules — putting your phone away while dining with friends, turning your ringer on silent when in a crowded space. There’s also a new set of unwritten business etiquette rules.
Some of these are obvious — not cc’ing the entire company on an email — but some seem not to be catching on, especially among small business owners who are looking for advice.
I polled some entrepreneurs about the annoyances they feel when asked for their expertise. The common thread is a lack of respect for their time, their expertise or their inbox — something that’s not specific to the startup world.
Here are my top three etiquette tips for asking to pick someone’s brain:
ASKING FOR ADVICE WITHOUT A PURPOSE
The startup world is all about paying it forward, and generally most investors and seasoned entrepreneurs devote time to meeting with aspiring entrepreneurs, new grads and anyone looking to get a feel for the industry. I get approached all the time to meet with potential partner agencies, early-stage entrepreneurs looking for marketing advice, or even prospective employees. I hold weekly office hours so I never have to say no to a request. What surprises me, though, is how many requests come through to “pick my brain” without a stated purpose or goal. Often when these meetings do happen, there’s no list of prepared questions or an agenda. So if you are reaching out to someone for advice, insight, feedback or just to learn more about a certain topic, have a specific goal for the meeting, know which points you’re looking for feedback on, and come with a list of questions. If people are generous with their time, return the favour by being prepared — it will help both of you get value out of it in the end.
RESPECTING PEOPLE’S TIME WHEN ASKING FOR INTRODUCTIONS
I often get requests from contacts to facilitate an introduction to people in my network. Depending on how close I am to the requested person, I usually say yes — with a caveat that I’ll check with them first. Outline to them who the person is who’s looking to connect, why they’re looking to connect and ask if it’s OK to facilitate the introduction. Typically the target person says yes, but sometimes they’ll say they’re at capacity or that the introduction isn’t a fit. Doing an introduction without checking first means the person feels a much bigger obligation to meet, regardless of whether they can or should. Getting an OK for an introduction is always best practice, and the karma will come back when the shoe is on the other foot. If you’re the one requesting and getting an introduction, make sure to respond quickly, but don’t keep the facilitator looped in on your 10-email chain while you co-ordinate a time to chat. And always follow up to thank the person who made the introduction.
NOT DOING THE HEAVY LIFTING WHEN MAKING AN ASK
The key when making a request is to make it as easy as possible for the other person. Once they’ve agreed to meet, suggest several time slots at a place that’s convenient for them — their office, a coffee shop near their office, or wherever they prefer. Once a time is set, send a calendar invite with all relevant info, and ideally with the list of questions you want to review at the meeting, or background info on what you want to discuss. Show up on time (don’t cancel unless there’s an emergency) and pay for the coffee or lunch — in other words, if you’re the one making the ask, do the heavy lifting. And always, always ask how you can help them in turn and add value for them. Follow up with a thankyou note or token of your appreciation. It won’t go unnoticed.
Sales expert Jeffrey Gitomer has a great response when someone asks to take you to lunch to pick your brain: “My fee is $5,000 an hour; lunch is on me.” His point is that most people charge for their expertise. If they agree to give free advice, great, but if they say they can’t meet or help, be gracious — it’s extremely hard to say no when asked for your advice, so if they decline, it’s probably for a good reason.