Mom’s issues could have lifelong impact on her kids

My son and his wife have been married for 11 years, and my daughter-inlaw, age 31, has struggled with alcoholism, depression and anxiety for the past six years.

She’s also attempted suicide a few times in the past three years. She is under the care of a psychiatrist. But who knows whether she is telling him the truth? She is also a shoplifter.

My two young granddaughters know that their mother does this. I’ve spoken with my granddaughters about this, as has my son, and they both know it is wrong and have asked their mother to stop.

Any suggestions on how to handle this with her and how to continue the conversation with my granddaughters? Concerned for Granddaughters

Dear Concerned for Granddaughters:

It’s not just Mom’s shoplifting that these girls are dealing with. Even if they might seem too young to understand what’s going on at home (alcoholism, anxiety and clinical depression), I’d wager they’re picking up on more than you realize.

Broaden the conversation to be not just about the shoplifting incidents but also about their lives and feelings in general.

If the children are internalizing the stress of their home lives, it could have lifelong effects.

Dear Annie:

I have a friend who has been married for many years and is in a loving relationship with his wife. For some reason, more than a decade ago, his wife ended their physical relationship. There was no reason for this change. There was no argument or medical reason for this.

After a few years, he casually mentioned to his wife that he had noticed that there had been no physical contact for a while. She began to cry and promised to “do better.”

Years went on, and there was still nothing. For some, infidelity, counselling or even divorce would have been the next step. None of those was acceptable to my friend.

Instead, he unilaterally decided that his wife was no longer his wife. He would now spend the rest of his life living with his former wife, now his newly discovered “long-lost sister.”

He still loved her just as much as before, still enjoyed living together as friends.

His solution may work for couples facing similar circumstances. It avoids so much pain. Hope This Helps

Dear Hope This Helps:

Partners can enjoy a strong sense of companionship without physical love.

If this arrangement is truly working for them, great — though I’d be curious to hear the wife’s perspective.

In marriage, a decision “unilaterally” made is not unilaterally felt.