Dufour case reminds us we all have to stand up to the bullies
At 5 a.m. on Nov. 23, Simon Dufour gave his dad a hug as he left the family’s Longueuil home. By 6:15 a.m., the 15-year-old was dead after he stepped in front of a commuter train to end his own life.
The South Shore teen’s suicide has left an irreparable void in the lives of his family, who will not get to mark his 16th birthday this month, nor celebrate Christmas with him, nor see a boy who loved music and video games find his way in the world.
But in spite of their grief, Simon’s father and sister have spoken out bravely, attributing his death to the torment of bullies. Since elementary school, Simon had endured taunts and insults by groups of kids ganging up on him.
This family, it seems, has been hit by two distinct but intertwined scourges facing modern youth: bullying and suicide.
Suicide is the second-leading cause of death in Canada for youth between the ages of 10 and 24. Every year, an average of 294 young people take their own lives, and suicide is attempted many more times.
Not long ago, suicide was surrounded by a code of silence. The media didn’t report on it and deaths were hushed up for fear of sparking copycats. But that taboo has mercifully lifted, in recognition of the fact not talking about suicide is also dangerous and negates the significant mental health challenges young people are often coping with.
While it is too simplistic to say bullying leads to suicide, recent research has uncovered an association that should make parents, educators and teens take notice. A Yale University review of 37 studies “found connections between being bullied and suicidal thoughts among children. Five reported that bullying victims were two to nine times more likely to report suicidal thoughts than other children were.” And that’s not all; bullies themselves were found to be at higher risk.
Anecdotally, as well, there have been numerous accounts of youth filled with despair from violence, ostracism and social media shaming ending their own lives. Bullying doesn’t always lead to suicide, of course, but it is a significant contributor to psychological distress in children.
It certainly seems to have been a factor in Simon’s death — which once more raises the question: what to do about it?
His family tried to help him over the years, including pushing his school to do something. Simon’s high school is now conducting an investigation.
As many parents whose children are picked on know, stopping the cruelty can be a long, draining and frustrating process. Quebec requires schools to have anti-bullying policies in place. Many schools preach “zero tolerance.” But in practice, this isn’t always the case.
While many teachers, principals, social workers and afterschool program co-ordinators work tirelessly to intervene, teach kindness to kids and help them navigate conflicts, not all are so motivated. Some parents advocating for their kids find themselves perceived as the problem. Or else they are told their child is too sensitive. It’s always easier to blame the victim.
Parents of children from visible minority groups recently raised the alarm that schools were dismissing complaints about their kids being the target of racist bullying or were punished unfairly for retaliating when they got no support.
It’s a fundamental duty of the education system to ensure every child is safe, physically and psychologically, at school. With so many parents working and so many kids in after-school care and programs, school is more than ever the centre of young people’s lives. So schools have a crucial role to play in supporting those who are intimidated and disciplining the aggressors, although they cannot do it alone.
The rest of us, too, must take responsibility. Adults must first and foremost model good behaviour. We can also step in when and where we see intimidation happening. And parents have to be part of the solution if their own children are hurting others.
But we have to teach children to stand up for their friends, be allies and report bullying when it happens. The brutal beating of a teen in east-end Montreal before a crowd of bystanders who recorded the event rather than stop it is a disturbing example of how much work remains to be done.
With social media, antagonism that occurs on school grounds invades home life via Snapchat and Facebook and Instagram. Online, the bullying can be amplified and become even more inescapable.
In fact, emerging research suggests the generation that has grown up since smartphones became ubiquitous is facing an unprecedented mental health crisis because of their digital dependency — a separate but related issue. They may be drinking less and getting in fewer car crashes, doing most of their socializing online, but they are suffering higher rates of depression and suicide.
Whether in the virtual world or the real world, too many of our kids are vulnerable and suffering. Much more needs to be done to protect them from the harm of bullying and from harming themselves.