Man’s struggle with loss of wife touches readers

Dear Annie: I am asking you to reprint your column with the letter from “Neil,” who lost his wife to cancer and was having a difficult time coping with his grief. I am giving my copy to my brother-in-law, as he lost his wife, my sister, to glioblastoma, a type of brain cancer, Nov. 1. Now I would like to have another copy.

— Kansas Karol

Dear Kansas Karol: I’m so sorry for your loss. Many were touched by Neil’s letter. Here it is:

Dear Annie: I am a 69-year-old man who, until now, only read your column periodically. Each time I read your advice to someone, I would say to myself, “Hmm, that’s really good advice.” I never ever thought that I would need to write to you. Well, now I am eating those words.

In late August, I lost the most important person in my life to inoperable pancreatic cancer. My wife was diagnosed in June 2014, and despite the fact that the cancer spread to three additional organs, she fought back. This amazing woman refused to let the cancer win.

I drove her to every doctor’s appointment and every radiation and chemotherapy appointment, as well as all over the country as we searched for clinical trials. However, after two-plus years, her fragile body could fight no longer, and she died in my arms.

The reason I am writing to you is that I am a total mess. Friends and family are calling me to come to dinner. I don’t want to be around people as I grieve. I have completely lost faith in everything, and I don’t trust professionals. I have joined several grief support groups, but I do not find solace in them yet.

My wife and I spent 50 years of our lives together. Without her, I feel empty and incomplete. Although people keep telling me that things eventually will get better, I have my doubts. I am trying to take care of myself. The only thing I really have difficulty doing is sleeping. I would appreciate any advice you can offer. —Neil

Dear Neil: I know that nothing I say can reduce the enormity of your loss. Still, I must say, with all of my heart, that I am so sorry for your loss.

In these times of deep grief, turn to the memories you and your wife shared. They are eternal. Be patient with yourself and permit yourself to grieve. But it sounds as if your wife was an amazing fighter, and she would want you to fight. You are blessed to have friends and family who want to lift you up. When you are ready, you will let them. One day, someone close to you will find himself in this same unfathomable situation, and your friendship will be his saving grace. Think how proud your wife would be to see you spread that love.