THE BEST CHRISTMAS TV SPECIALS ARE THE DARK ONES.
Christmas films get all the attention. And, OK, some of us will be watching Love Actually more than once in the next few weeks, if only for emotional release. Maybe with some wine. But movies are long. You have stuff to do. So if you want holiday programming in a less intensive burst, here are my recommendations for top TV (along with the appropriate cuppa). 10 Father Ted: “A Christmassy Ted” (1996)
Eight priests stage a diversion to escape unnoticed from what is apparently Ireland’s largest lingerie section. Need I say more?
Pairs with: Black tea.
9. The Simpsons: “Marge Be Not Proud” (1995)
A classic. Bart shoplifts a popular video game called “Bonestorm,” disappointing Marge. Homer decides “no eggnog” should be part of his punishment. Milhouse indicates he’s more worried about piranhas than losing his mother’s love. There’s a lot to chew on. Pairs with: Duff beer.
8. Seinfeld: “The Strike” (1997)
Do you want to see Kramer sabotage the steam valve of a bagel shop? Yes. Do you want to see Elaine attempt to track down a man to whom she’s given a fake phone number? Oh, yes. Do you want to learn about Festivus? A thousand times, yes.
Pairs with: Red wine.
7. “A Muppet Family Christmas” (1987)
Watch it for the Swedish Chef’s quest to roast a bird, any bird, even Big Bird. Also, the Swedish Chef’s line in a Muppet rendition of “The Christmas Song” (Chestnuts Roasting On An Open Fire). Really, just watch it for the Swedish Chef. Gobble gobble torkey pitsky witsky!
Pairs with: Punch, preferably spiked.
6. Community: “Abed’s Uncontrollable Christmas” (2010)
For something a little different, descend into the strange claymation delusion of a community college student struggling to find the meaning of Christmas — which it turns out has something to do with the first season of Lost. A wild ride from beginning to end, featuring the vocal talents of late-night host John Oliver as a Christmas therapistturned-wizard.
Pairs with: Absinthe.
5. “How the Grinch Stole Christmas” (1966)
A green grouch, an infectious soundtrack and the genius of Dr. Seuss proves a combination sure to warm cold little hearts. You’re as cuddly as a cactus, you’re as charming as an eel, you’re a bad banana with a greasy black peel!
Pairs with: Milk, and cookies.
4. The Office: “Christmas Party” (2005)
Look no further for the perfect encapsulation of office party cringe, complete with a Secret Santa exchange gone horribly wrong. For Office fans, this also has all the sweet, sweet frustration of early moments between Jim Halpert and Pam Beesly.
Pairs with: Hard liquor from a flask.
3. Doctor Who: “A Christmas Carol” (2010)
In his quest to save friends from an untimely death via spaceship crash, The Doctor screws with time to soften the Scrooge who can help them. Do not underestimate the joy of seeing a flying shark haul a Christmas sleigh.
Pairs with: Screwdriver.
2. “A Charlie Brown Christmas” (1965)
As worthwhile for its cool jazz soundtrack, by the Vince Guaraldi Trio, as for its earnest portrayal of the reason for the season. A half-hour of delight that you don’t regret reliving annually. Especially that one scene, with all the dancing.
Pairs with: Hot chocolate.
1. Black Mirror: “White Christmas” (2014)
An awkward Christmas dinner between colleagues at a remote work outpost spirals into a devastating reflection on the perils of technology. This episode, featuring Jon Hamm in a disturbing future, is crucial fare for cynical grown-ups navigating the season’s sickly-sweet lineup. Cue wild discomfort at every playback of Wizzard’s “I Wish It Could Be Christmas Everyday.”
Pairs with: Scotch.