Bizarre effects of nation’s cold snap
SEX, PENGUINS AND DRIVE-THRU WINDOWS
It’s rare that Canada encounters a cold snap that isn’t just brutal, but is so massive that it affects nearly the entire country at once. And just to rub it in, we’re one of the only areas of the world experiencing these kinds of extremes. Virtually everywhere else on the planet it’s actually warmer than usual.
No clear end is in sight for the deep freeze, and the effect has been to turn Canada into a bizarro world of extreme temperatures where nothing is quite as it seems. Here are scenes from a country under siege.
CALGARY HAD TO BRING ITS PENGUINS INSIDE TO WARM UP
The Calgary Zoo already has its monkeys and lemurs and giraffes indoors. But with temperatures dipping below -25 C, staff decided to haul in the penguins. The animals are king penguins, which means they’re not quite as hearty as the emperor penguins of March of the Penguins fame. Still, zookeepers figured that an animal that normally makes its home in the Subantarctic wasn’t quite prepared for a Calgary winter.
BARRIE, ONT., HELD A DRIVE-IN FIREWORKS DISPLAY
It was the year without a New Year’s Eve. From Ottawa to Edmonton to Toronto, municipalities cancelled their New Year’s Eve programming for fear that tempting people outdoors would only lead to epidemics of frostbite and exposure. In Barrie, Ont., however, city officials saved their fireworks by holding them in a place where Barrie-ites could watch from inside idling cars. “You can watch the fireworks from the warmth of your car from anywhere along the waterfront,” reads a city statement.
POLAR BEAR SWIMS CANCELLED TO AVOID KILLING PEOPLE
It’s quite likely that, given the chance, Canadians would have enthusiastically ignored the extreme cold warnings to dive into bodies of water. This is why organizers decided to cancel polar bear swim events for safety reasons — sometimes at the behest of authorities. Canada’s largest such event, the Courage Polar Bear Dip in Oakville, Ont., was cancelled at the last minute due to the site suddenly becoming swamped with ice. Meanwhile, on the balmier coasts Canadians still managed to jump into both the Atlantic and Pacific Oceans. Although, in Halifax the Herring Cove Polar Bear Dip could not take place until a fishing vessel had broken the ice around the harbour.
A SASKATCHEWAN MCDONALD’S BEGAN TO FREEZE OVER
Few things are more resilient than a 24-hour Saskatchewan McDonald’s. Whether fire, tornado or biblical plague, it’s always possible to get a 4 a.m. Big Mac along Highway 16. Nevertheless, the tendrils of Old Man Winter were so fierce over the weekend that they briefly disrupted drink operations at a Yorkton McDonald’s. The culprit appears to have been the drive-thru window; the gusts of cold air were so cutting that they seized a soft drink machine. However, a Yorkton staff member reported Monday that “it’s all working right now.”
RAMEN NOODLES ARE FREEZING IN MIDAIR
It’s become a social media trend to film bubbles freezing in the bitter Canadian cold. There’s also a wave of people throwing boiling water into the air, where it instantly freezes and falls to the ground as ice. But it was only Thompson, Man., Instagram user Jo Traill who thought to test the effects of extreme cold on a steaming bowl of ramen noodles. The noodles froze immediately, whimsically suspending a fork in midair.
FIREFIGHTING IS A NIGHTMARE
It’s a perfect storm for Canadian fire departments right now: The cold is prompting more fires, and they’ve never been harder to fight. Space heaters are shorting out, chimneys are catching fire and in Verdun, Que., someone caused a fire by trying to thaw pipes with a blowtorch. For the firefighters who get the call, they’re placed in the maddening position of fighting both fire and ice at the same time. “Not only are we seeing water presenting an issue due to the ice, we have to present more water to the scene just to make sure everything doesn’t freeze up,” Calgary fire battalion chief Al Magwood told the Calgary Herald last week.
TRAINS, AIRPLANES GRINDING TO A HALT
The extreme cold is causing a raft of flight delays at Toronto Pearson Airport. While aircraft are routinely subjected to temperatures of -40 C while in the air, the problem is with the ground crews. Handling a jet fuel coupling is much harder with a heavy set of mittens, resulting in a slowdown that is wreaking havoc with tight flight schedules. Meanwhile, VIA Rail is having to cancel trains in Manitoba due to unspecified “equipment issues.”
CANADIANS VERY LIKELY HAVING MORE SEX
We’ve all heard the story: A brutal cold snap keeps everyone indoors and then, nine months later, there’s a wave of babies being born. There’s scientific evidence to this phenomenon, however. U.K. statistical data have shown that the Christmas season is a peak period for conceiving babies — and the trend holds up across most Christian countries in the Northern hemisphere. Studies have also shown that men are particularly amorous during winter, with higher testosterone levels and greater attraction to women’s bodies (possibly as a result of those bodies being more coveredup during the winter). And indeed, Google search results have been shown to get notably friskier in countries like Canada around this time of year. Add on the additional variable of cancelled church services and New Year’s Eve events, and it’s extremely reasonable to assume that a whole lot more Canadian sex is happening right now.