Mom should tell son about biological father

Dear Annie:

My grandson “Logan” was fathered by someone other than “Ron,” the father of his elder and younger brothers. (Our daughter was separated from Ron at the time; they got back together before Logan was born.)

When Logan was born, they listed Ron as his father on the birth certificate. Ron and both sets of grandparents know Ron isn’t Logan’s biological father. The biological dad and his family are aware that Logan exists, but they’re not interested in a relationship.

Logan is almost 18. Since he was about 10, I have thought we should let him know about his circumstances. Over the past seven or eight years, Logan has made various references about the fact that he looks nothing like his brothers or parents. (He is a spitting image of his biological father.)

Our daughter claims she’s wanted to tell Logan many times, but Ron prohibits it.

When our daughter and Ron finally split up a year ago (after 20 years together, though they were never married), Ron tried to force us all to sign a document stating we would never tell Logan about his biological father.

My issue is that, sooner or later, Logan is going to find out about the lie we have all kept for 18 years.

He’s already angry because of his parents splitting up, so what’s it going to do to him when he finds out we all knew the truth and no one told him?

What happens if Logan needs medical treatment and a simple blood test shows Ron isn’t a match? I want to be honest with my grandson, but I think we’ve gone far past the point of no return.

Which is worse? Telling him now (with controlled support of family and therapists) or just maintaining the lie until it all blows up?

Truth or Consequences Dear Truth or Consequences:

I agree it would be best for Logan to know the truth about his parentage. But this isn’t your decision to make. You can encourage your daughter to tell him (maybe she’ll feel that she can now that she and Ron have split up), but ultimately, it’s up to her.

Dear Annie: My 17-year-old granddaughter worked for a well-known chain restaurant. The manager routinely took half of her tips, saying that part of each tip was for the quality of the food.

She needed the job, so she didn’t complain to whatever authorities regulate these places.

Anonymous Grandma Dear Anonymous Grandma:

According to the Fair Labor Standards Act, in the U.S., “tips are the property of the employee, whether or not the employer has taken a tip credit.” I encourage your granddaughter to read up on her rights.